The simpsons movie remake by grapestr33t4life

grapestr33t4life

grapestr33t4life

High Point OG
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Aug 20, 2009
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Location
grape street, high point, north carolina
Yo homies its me again. remember that "How would you change da Simpsons movie" thred? Well MY ideas for improovement got liked 5 TIMES mofucka. So Im gonna start writin my own version of da movie an itll be a better story.

First heres a preview! I already penned one of da fuckin songs! This is "Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK" by Marge Homer an da kids an its sung when the mobs around there house an they find out that Homer took a shit in da bushes when he was stuck in traffic an had 2 go really bad. Its how da town gets contaminated in THIS version cuz in THIS version they ate pig shit the pig. An its kind of a rap song an set to THIS beat (go to 0:25: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaOesSZjQfw

Marge: Homer, why did you do that?
Homer: I dunno
Marge: Why did you do what you did?
Homer: I-
Marge: Why did you act so stupid?
Homer: But-
Marge: Why did you not hold it in?
Marge: I can't believe that you went and took a shit
Now you got the whole town paying for it
Homer: But I had to take a shit really fucking bad!
Have you ever been in traffic an had to go so bad?
I thought the bushes would be okay and not corrupt it
Marge: Well look what you did! Now we're ALL in shit!
And on top of that you lied for like weeks
I oughta slap the motherfuckin shit outta your fat cheeks
I can't believe I married someone who takes a shit and sucks
Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Homer: But MAAARGE!
Marge: Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Homer: NO!
Marge: Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Lisa: WAAAH DAD YOU MONSTER I HATE YOU!
Bart: I do too! First my BALLS then THIS!
Marge: Homer... is he telling the truth about this?
Homer: YEAH I CHALLEGED HIM ALRIGHT! I DIDN'T KNOW
Marge: Well look what happened, jesus you really BLOW!
You sent our only son to get his balls burned off
I ought to blow your fucking head off
I hope this mob does kill you off
Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Homer: STOP MARGY!?
Marge: Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Homer: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Marge: Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!
Homer: WAIT MARGE!
Marge: Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK!

If that aint real I dont know what is. An there will be more songs too in this order

1: Protect Ya Neck (rapped by the WU-TANG CLAN instead of shitty ass green day in da float scene)
1: I'm So Fat An Drunk An I Wanna Kill Flanders (sang by HOmer)
2: Yo The Bartman's Back (An I'm Robbin All Your Shit And Virginity) (rapped by Bart)
3: Oh Please Save Da Wales An Monkys An Fishies An Shit (sung by Lisa)
4: Homer You SUCK you Fat FUCK (rapped by Marge homer an Bart an Lisa)
5: I Love Blowin Shit Up (sung by Russ Cargills)
6: Da New Gran Canyon (rapped by SNOOP DOGG in da commercial)
7: Were Gonna Kill Everyfuckinbody (even kids) (rapped by Russ Cargills an Bart)

So stay tuned its gonna be REALLY fuckin good.
 
As usual, your version is kind of okay. Some people may not be a fan of this style but personally I have no problem with it, even though it's not as good as your previous works. I would of liked to see "Shame on a *****" at least included in there, it just feels like a perfect fit for the soundtrack you got going on.
 
He might've lost "it" and it might be weird and scary to him now.
 
Yo homies thanks for da praise! I knew I had love on NOHOMERS.

Oh an that fat homie BoVice is gonna help me write it so you can read it without gettin confused. Were workin on chapter 1 right now. It pains me to type in non gangsta talk but hes well versed in it so thats that
 
All those mad skills must pay the bills, grapes! you are the shizbot!
 
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE GOOD VERSION

The simpsons movie

A/N: I watched the simpsons movie an it was good but could have been waaaay better. So Im writing this fic and it will be a better story.

The simpsons chapter 1 itchy an scratchy: The Movie

It was a dark night on the fuckin moon when Itchy an Scratchy landed in their spaceship an landed.

"Wow this is a big fucking rock." Itchy said.
"You got that right mousey mouse" said Scracthy

"So right I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOUR BITCH ASS!" Itchy the fat blue mouse said as he took out a shotgun an blew Scratchy's head off. A fuckton of blood came out an his head blew offa his shoulders an since there in space and shit, the blood an head floated around.

"NOOOOO!" scratchy's severed head said. But in space nobody can hear you scream so nobody heard his last words, which is very sad.
"COOL!" itchy said.

...

After screwin some hot alien babes, Itchy went back to earth where he was met by John McClane an Barack Obama. (A/N: See now it's more modern!)

"Yay, you killed that stupid cat and saved us." Obama said.
"We're gonna let you run for president too." McClane said.
"I just fucked a moose!" Sarah Palin said.

"AAAAH FUCK!" Itchy said as he took his shotgun an shot sarah palin too. Then he shot McClane and Obama and killed them both deader than fuckin 2Pac.

"Now I'm the only canditate," Itchy said. "And I will rule the world!" He bought some nukes and blew up Iraq and Afganistan an saved the world. Then he had a threesome with Kate Middleton an whoever the fuck her sister is while they were playin "This Dicks for You" by the fuckin GETO BOYS.

"BOOOORING!"

"Homer that wasn't nice!" MArge said. They were in a movie theater so the itchy an scratchy stuff didn't happen. It was just a movie.

"But this movie SUUUUCKS!" Homer said.
"That's right homer." Bart the troublemaker said.
"This movie needs more fuckin shit about the environment an pollution" Lisa said in her bitchy voice.
"Shut up girl." HOmer said. "The point is why the hell would we pay to watch somethin we can see on TV for free! We coulda used this money to buy that new Kanye West (a/n: FUCK TAYLER SWIFT both figuratively AN literally cuz shes hot an shit) CD!

"YEAH!" Homer said. "Everybody who paid to see this shit is a SUCKER! Especially YOOOOU!" he yelled pointing at the screen of your monitor. But guess what? This fanfic is free so my readers ARENT suckers. Homer you stupid shit.

CREDITS

The Simpsons words floats outta the clouds, being ridden by Michael Jackson, 2Pac, Biggie, Big Pun, Big L, Guru of fuckin GANG STARR, an Whitney Houston (A/N: RIP EVERYBODY! GODDAMN CONSPIRACY KILLIN EVERYBODY!). Micjhael an Whitny sing "AHHHH THE SIIIMPSONS!" but all the rappers say "YO ITS THE FUCKIN SIMPSONS MOVIE MUTHAFUCKAS ITS GONNA BE THE SHIT!"

Then Prof. Fink rides by on his gyrocopter an says "MOVIE ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN!" but Biggie shoots him in the head with a 9 an blows his big soup can head off an blood splatters on the screen. Nobody likes Fink so this is a good thing.

Then it goes through Springfield showin everything an everybody like in the real movie. But since its not 2006 anymore Apu alters the milk bottle to not read "2012" but "20120". THATS SOME FUCKIN LONG LASTIN MILK BITCH

Then it goes to the lake where theres a show. But instead of Green Day bein shit teenage rawk, it's the MOTHERFUCKIN WU-TANG CLAN!!!!!!! We got the RZA the GZA Rakewon Ghostface Killa Masta Killa Cappadonna an Inspectah Deck, and there all just TEARIN SHIT UP ON DAT FLOAT.



They sing that song while the crowd goes FUCKIN WILD an Ms. Crabapple shows off her gozangas (did I mention this movie is rated R?! FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH) while the Wu tears shit up. Then they finish.

"Yo budda budda Shaolin!" RZA says. "But since we just tore dis shit up for like 5 hours, wed like to talk about the ENVIRONMENT!"
"I LOVE THE ENVIRONMENT LIKE I LOVE MY DICK SIZE!' cappadonna said like on "Ice Cream".

But then everybody started booin an throwin shit at the float. Literal shit because homer an barny took such huge shits that they flooded the outhouses.

"OH SHIT!" Rakewon said as tears streamed down his fat ass fuckin face (no disrespect to the Chef, Only Built 4 Cuban Linkx an shit is the best album EVER!)

Then GZA saw somethin horrifyin.

"OH SHIT THE ACID LAKE IS DISOLVIN OUR BARGE!"

All the Wu-Tang clan looks at each other an hugs an starts cryin.

"Its been an honer playin with yall ni**az tonight" RZA says.
"Look at it this way, we'll ALL be together soon" Inspecta deck said cryin his ass off.
"Even Ol Dirty Bastard?" Rakwon said.
"Yep even him."

They all held hands as they slided down the sinkin float into the acid lake, like in Toy Story 3.

Then a miracle happened.

"OH BABY I LIKE IT RAAAAAAAW!"

They all looked up an saw OL DIRTY BASTARD'S GHOST comin down from Heaven. He grabbed them all and took them to shore.

"SHAME ON A LAKE WHO TRYS TO RUN GAME ON A NI**A!" OL DIRTY BASTARDS GHOST said.

"Whatever, that fuckin sucked." Moe said.
"I thought they touched on an important issue." Lisa said. "I mean I hate rap but it was important!"
"I beg to differ." Moe said. He threw more shit at the Wu but OL DIRTY BASTARDS GHOST flew up his ASS an possessed him like Linda Blair an shit. He started pukin green shit everywhere.

"OH SHIT RUN!" homer said. They all ran away. But even though the Wu had been saved... the lake was still there... an it was polluted and evil and would surely be a menace.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
Thanks homie

Chapter 2 Homer Goes 2 Work an shit

We do a timeskip to the next day an it opens with homer an marge in bed. There both tired because they had sexytime all night

"Holy shit what a fuckin night" homer said.
"That is right homey" Marge said with a smile "Lets do it again! The kids are gonna be at school!"
"Sorry but I gotta go to work an shit." homer said. "Mr. burns will cut my yellow nuts off if I dont go!"

"But homey your drunk!" Marge said referrin to the bud light they drank all night while fuckin.
"Ah Ill be fine.' homer said. he got up out of bed an put clothes on his fat ass. It was his typical white shit with blue jeanz. then he burshed his teeth with beer an left the room while marge started to

Homer then slid down the stairrailin like Bart duz sometimes, but he's so fuckin fat an drunk that he crushed the railin with his fat ass an fell! "DOH!" he screamed. Marge came out an shit.

"HOMER!"
"I;ll fix it!" homer said. "But no I gotta go to fuckin work! Fuckin slavedriver Burns!"

He grabbed his CD of ICE CUBES DEATH CERTIFACATE (which is a kick-azz album) an left da fuckin house an got in his ugly-ass pink car. BUT...

"HOWDLY DOODLY NEIIGHBERINO!" Flanders yelled next door with a redneck christan accent.

"Go to hell flanders." Homer said grumply.
"NO!" Faldersn said. "I dont wanna go to hell an get fucked by big poppa satin! I wanna meet Jeezus!"
"Then leave me the fuck alone! I fuckin hate you!" homer said.
Flaners started 2 cry.
Then maude came out an hugged him. "Its okay honey dont listen to the unshaved yellow gorilla."
"Thanks honey." Flanders said. "Good thing I got you cloned, I was about to kill myself!"
"I like 2 eat paste!" Rod said.
"Me too!" Tod said.

"Fuckin weird people." Homer said. He pulled out of the motherfuckin driveway and tok off. He swerved just to hit maudes clone an she exploded like that acid guy in Robocop.
"NOOOOOOOOOOODLY DOODLY!!!!!!" flanders said cryin as he shit his pants. "HOMER I WILL GET YOU FOR THIIIIS!"

"Hehehe" Homer said doing his laugh. Then, as he drove his pink car through evergreen terrance or whatever the fuck it's called, he started to sing a happy song set to a jaunty tune thats kinda like the music that playz in the first level of the fucking Hit and Run videogame. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RID0tGfSnXk He sang

Myyy name is Homer Simpson
I am driving to work today
if I see a neighbur I like then
I wave an say "HEY!"
But if I see a total asshole
Or somebody whos a stupid shit
I flip them off or run over em
Good thing Im friends with Cheif Wiggum, isn't it!!

Oh, I'm so fat and drunk an I wanna kill Flanders
*hot chicks in the chorus: He's so fat an drunk an he wants to kill Flanders*

Oh yeah, I hate that dickhead Flanders
He is so fuckin annoyin
Always sayin stupid buuullshit
But he'll get his in the end
Also he used to have a stupid wife
But I killed her stupid ass
Then he cloned his stupid wife
An I killed her stupid ass again!
I think maybe I oughta top it
Run over his kids next
Then the devils gonna get me
An make me his number 1 guy!

Oh Im so fat an drunk an I wanna kill Flanders
(He's so fat an drunk an he wants to kill Flanders)

I work for that stupid old dude Mr. Burns
An his homie SMitherz
Every day I try 2 get a payraise
But they just yell at me!
An Im comin in to work drunk but I dont care
They fire me Ill just become a hooker
Sexytime with lots of hot babes
Is not a bad way to live!

Then I come home to Marge
Shes really fuckin hot
An I have 3 kids
Ones a baby the others are not!
Barts a little shithead
I wanna kill him bad
Lisas really annoyin an preachy
Shes stupider than she thinks
Maggies the dumbest
All she does is suck suck SUCK!

Oh Im so fat an Drunk an I wanna kill Flanders.
"He's so fat an ddrunk an he wantz 2 kill Flander.s"
Thats the first of like 5 or somethin songs that WILL win oscars an shit. Like the whole fuckin movie so remember that now. The soundtrack will sell more than the fuckin Bodyguard (which is a kick-azz movie an soundtrack).

So Homer got to work an parked in the no parkin zone cuz hes an ass. He walked to the power plant an went 2 his office.

"Boy this place sure is readioactic!" homer said as he started 2 glow. Then he saw his two best friends Lenny an Karl. Ones a black guy an the other isnt an wears overalls or some shit.

"Hey homer!" Lenny said.
"Yo homie what's crackin beotch" Karl said like a real muthafuckin G. Also Karl got fat since homer last saw him so he could be played by that fat homie BoVice. Gotta cast your homies you know.

"Not much" homer said. "I killed flanders stupid wife though."
"Cool!" Lenny said. he got slightly hard.
"That is bossin up" karl said. "But guess what?"
"WHANT" homer said.

"I GOT A PROMOTION AN YOU SUCKAS DIDN'T!"
"DOH!" HOMER SCREAMED. His veins an shit popped an he shit his pants an he started to flex muscles an shit an he was pissed.

"Homer calm down!" enny said.

"FUCK NO!" HOMER SAID he was mad.
"But homey take a chill pill!" carl said.

"NO YOU FUCKER!" Homer was ANGRY!

But then the PA stopped playin badass gangsta rap (it was playin Mr. Scarface by Scarface which is SOOOO badass) an mr. burns came on da fuckin speaker.

"Homer simpson get your fat yellow ass in here!"
"DOH!" Homer said as he left. Kickin karl in the nuts.
"OOH MY BALLS!

So homer took the fuckin elevator up to Burnses office an walked in. It was a big ornate office with leather an marble an poler bears and shit there was a tank full of goddamn TIGER SHARKS with some skeletons floatin in em.

"You called me boss?"
"Yess I did" Mr. burns said turnin around in his bad guy chair. "I saw you were really fuckin pissed off AN shit your pants an punched Karl in the balls. Your fired.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" homer said. "DOH!"
"Yes you are" Burns said needlin his fingers an shit. "Eeeeexcelelent."

"FUCK!" hoemr said as he left.
"Good job sir" Smithers said. He was dressed like Prince because mr. burns has a prince fetish or some shit. I DUNNO its just cool okay homies?

"Thank you Mr. Prince." burns said. "His bitch is gonna kill him! Now get back to playin that hard-core GANGSTA SHIT!" he said.
"With pleasure!" Smither said. He put in Ready to Die by the Notorious BIG an the whole power station was bouncin with awesomeness. But homer cried as he drove away.

"GODDAMNIT I GOT FIRED! MARGE IS GONNA KILL ME!"
Then he got an idea.
"Ill get a job at kwik-eee mart!"

(later at kwik-ee mart"

"Yo homer whats up?" apoo said.
"Apu I got fired!"
"Well that fuckin sucks a hard one of Ron Jeremy." Apu said.
"Will you hire me?" homer said. "PLEEEASE!"

"Actually I DO need a janiter" apu said. He gave hoemr a broom an bucket an janitor uniform. "Put that shit on an get to work."
"YES SIR!" homer said. He got naked in front of apu since the kwik-ee mart doesnt have a changin room an Apu covered his eyes. Then he opened em an Homer was now his janitor.

"Good my man>" Apu said.

But then COMIC BOOK GUY came outta the bathroom.

"Oh that was a good shit!" he said in a nerd accent. "Clean it up homer."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DOH! I quit." Homer said. He took his clothes off an put his old cloths back on an left.

"Well I guess I have to do it." Apu said lookin at the bathroom with shitty eyes. "I will get yuo for this homer!"

So Homer got back in his car an put on Snoop Dogg an drove around. "If I dont find another job Marge wont have sexytiem with me anymore! Santas little helper will bite my weenie off!"

Then Fat Tony showed up an got in his car.

"Hey homer i hear you need a fuckin job" he said. He gave homer a gun. "can you kill chef wiggum for me?"
"Im your man!" Homer said. "Do you need flanders killed to?"
"No he gives me a LOT of money for coke." Fat toni said.
"Hes a cokehead?" homr said.

"He sure as shit is" Fat tony said. "Why do you think he sais diddly doodly all the fuckin time? Now go wack Chef wiggum an theres money in it for you."

So Homer drove with fat tony to the police station. He walked in.

"Is Cheif Wiggum in here?"
"Yes he is." Said the hot big-boobed secretary. Then chief wiggum came down.
"Homer what do you need!" he said.
"YOU DEAD BITCHY!" homer said as he riddled wiggum with bullets. Chief wiggum fell over an bled a shitload of blood an screamed "FUCKER!" he was dead.
Then homer put a grenade in his corpse an he exploded an died.

"Okay job done!" homer said as the cops tried to stop him but were too busy eatin all the donuts. He went to fat tony.
"I killed chief wiggum for you!"
"Good job." tony said. "Welcome to the fuckin Mafia."

"WOOHOO!"

To be continued
 
Chaptet 3 the bartmans back

Meanwhile at da school

"So thats how I shot up a shitlaod of Vietcongs in Veitnam" Skinner sez. "I lost my buddys there too in dat fuckin jungle. Asan peeple suck there only good for makin noodles an samereye sords an shit." BUT IM NOT RACIST its just skinner. Hes like Clint Westwoods or whatever the fuck his name is in Grand Toreno.

"Man this sucks" Bart said. "Im gonna go steal some shit."
"But bart this is so interestin!" Lesa said. "Were learnin about the war!"
"I dont give a fuck I can play MW3 if I wanna learn about war!" bart said. He got on his bitchin skateboard an rolled outta the school.

"COME BACK BITCH!" skinner said
"We have to kill him!" Crapable said. They ran after bart firin machine guns but bart left an laughed his yellow ass off as he rolled outta the school.

"FUCK!" the teachers said.

So bard rolled through town on his skateboard an went to kwik-ee-marts. Apu was there.
"Hey Apoo its your wife!" bart yelled.
"OH SHIT!" Appu yelled. He wasnt lookin so bart stole a shitload of candy bars an beers an porn an stuffed em in his pants. Hes young an doesnt have a big dick yet so he has lotso room in dere

"Hahaha" he laughed evilly as he rode away while apu was oblivious. As he rode away in victery a hip-hop beat started up it kinda sounded like Mobb Deeps shook ones part 2. THEN HE STARTED RAP

Yo yo yo
It's Bart the fuckin man
Yep its me
The fuckin man with a plan!
I'm ridin my skateboard 2 da funky beat
I just robbed apoo now THAT wuz a feat!
Not really since hes really dumb
About as dum as Lisa or a smelly bum
But I got like half his motherfuckin shit

YO DA BARTMAN'S BACK AN IM ROBBIN ALL YOUR SHIT AN VIRGINITY!

(hes doin skateboard tricks as he rapz to be more cooler)

My retarded yellow dad is on his ass at work
My stupid-ass sister is at school eatin paste
Maggie da babys shittin his fuckin diapers
An my blue haired moms protestin cool shit!
But Im the coolest motherfuckin Simpson there iz
All those other loserz can drank mah piss
Like that fatass Marky its nothin but da biz

YO DA BARTMAN'S BACK AN IM ROBBIN ALL YOUR SHIT AN VIRGINITY!

By the time he was dun rappin he ended up at da house. He threw a grapplin hook in his wi ndow an climbed in so marge wouldnt know he was playin hooky (GET IT hes playin hooky an went in with a hook its REALLY funny). He locked da door an emtpies his pants an saw all his candy an beer an porn an shit he stole.

"OH YEAH!"
"BART WAS THAT YOU!" marge said from outside.
"No Im at school an shit' bart said.
"Good. but watch your fuckin cussin!" marge said bein dumbass.

...

Meanwhile at work

Homer was wearin a black suit now cuz he was the Mafia. He had a cigar in his mouth an a gun in his hand an two balls of steel in his ufckin pants.

"Homer I need another faver" fat tony said. "Kill the lovejoys for me! THERE SOOOOOO ANNOYIN!"
With pleasure "homer sex

He got in his new black mafia car an drove 2 the fuckin chruch. He went inside an da lovejoys were there both of em.

"Hey homer!" Rev. Lovehoy said.
"WILL SOMEBODY THINK ABOUt DA CHIDLRNE"! whatever the fuck Ms Lovejoys name is said.
"No Im gonna shoot your asses." Homer said. He shot em both na there heads exploded red shit splattered everywhere.

"WOOHOO!"

Then he went back 2 fat tonys.
"I killed them for ya" homer said.
"Congratufuckin lations" Fat tony said. "You earned a payraise of $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars".

"WOOHOO!" homey said. Fat tony gave him a dump truck full of the cash an homer drove it home.

To be continued in the next chapter bart gets his balls burned off an a whole cycle of revenge begins...
 
Simpsons movie chapter 3 Homers challenge

Homer came home in his dump truck an marge came out.

"HOMEY WHAT THE FUCK IS DIS SHIT!" she yelled seein all the dead presidents in his fuckin awesome truk.

"Marge I got a payraise at work!" hoemr said lyin because he didnt want anybody to know that he was a Mafia now.
"Thats wonderful" marge said with a smileyface like this: :D "We can buy a hot tub an new cars an reshingle the fuckin roof an shit!"
"THATS FUCKIN AWESOMENESS BITCH!" homer

Meanwhile Bart was in his room. He turned on his XBOX 360 an put in Saints Row The Third it was pretty fuckin sweet. He lit up a Chronic joint (which makes playin better) an smoked dat shit while he shot da mornin star with shaundy an perce an kinzi or whatever the fuck her name was an the like. He was also playin a hot chick she was JUST LIKE a human vinyl scratch from my little pony frendship is magic. He was smokin so much fuckin Chronic that the room was full of smoke an SAINTS ROW DA THIRD PROJECTED ON DA SMOKE an it was a MOTHERFUCKIN 3D GAME!!! YAY!

"This shits pretty fuckin tits" Bart said. But then he remembered somethin an got on his cell phone. He called up Lisa.

"Hey bart are you playin hooky?" Lisa said in a bitch FUCKING voice.
"Yep but if you tell homer and mom Ill KILL your ass." Bart said.
"Yeah right" Lisa sez
"I got a gun" Bart said *he stole it from qwik-ee-shit while apoo wasnt lookin*! "I can shoot you in the fuckin uterus or some shit!"

Lisa got quiet.
"Okay" she said an hung up. Bart laughed an kept playin the game.

"BART!" marge yelled. "Whats that smell comin from your room?!"
"Oh Santas Little Helper took a shit or somethin" Bart said. But earlier dat day BART took a shit in the foyer to FRAME da doggy for when hed smoke his Chronic! Barts a tricky little shit.

Marge went in da foyer an saw the shit an she got PISSED. She looked at sanas little helper. "GODDAMNIT YOU STUPID DOG YOU TOOK A SHIT IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN FLOOR! YOU CUNT-FACED BITCH-DICK MUFFERFUCKIN MUFFIN MASTURBATER CUNTNUGGET! BAD BOY!" MARGE SIMPSON SAID. SHE WAS VERY ANGRY!

"Im sorry" Santa said.
"Fuck yuo" Marge said. She snaked him with a broom but she smacked him too hard an he exploded an died.

Then Lisa came in!!! She saw the blood splatter on the wall with doggy shit an shit in it an said "OH NO!" It was like dat junji eeto story where dat killer plant squished people who ate dat honey

"Oh honey santas little helper just went to Mexico" she said.
"Then whats this?" Lisa said
"Oh its a hairball." Marge said.
"Okay." Lisa said. She went upstairs to play her sex an Homer came back. He went to Lowes or Home Depots or some shit an got da shingles for the fuckin roof.

"BART GET DOWN HERE BOY! Were gonna fix the fuckin roof with my awesome Maf-uh, Mr. Burns money! Yeah!"

"FUCK!" Bart said.
"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE BITCH!"

...

SO bart an homer was on the fuckin roof an had hamers an nails an shit Homer started hammerin but accidentally hit his balls. "OOOOOH!"
"Hahahahaha" Bart said. "Thats funny!"
"Oh you think its funny do you when balls get hurt?" Homer said mad. "I dare you to ride your fuckin shitboard to Krunchy burger an back... NAKED!"

"YOUR OOOOOOON!" Bart said

So bart went down an got on his skateboard an took off ALL his fuckin clothes his weenie was a dinglin in the fuckin wind as he rode. Its playin that sufer dude music from the movie as bart rides through town.

"I LIKE MEN NOW!" Ralphy Wiggum Shit said. Hes gay an its a big plot twist.

"DONT LOOK WHERE IM POINTIN" some old bitch said.

"Hahahaha" Bart said enjoyin how freaked out everybody was over his dick. He went into da hedge an the cuts in it revealed his dick. BUT THEN... shit got tragic as fuck.

There was a grill overhead.

"Bet I can jump that fuckin grill!" Bart said. He got ready for an awesome jump an jumped the fuckin grill. BUT THE FLAMES WERE TOO HIGH an bart started feelin hurtin down below. He looked an saw

HIS FUCKIN NUTS WERE ON FIRE AN FELL OFF

"AAAAAHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY BALLS!" bart said cryin his ass off. He kept rollin on his skateboard (without any balls anymore :( ) until the pigs saw him

"STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!" the black cop said. He shot his gun an a bullet flew out in slow motion an blew off Barts tire. He slid an shit everywhere an landed on da honker burger window.

Inside flanders an the kids were eatin. "We thank the fuckin Lord for this bountifui;" THEN BART LANDED AN HE YELLED "PENIS!"

"Bountfiul penis" his two dishit kdis said.

To be continued
 
Chapter 4 pig shit

While Bart (who has no balls anymore :( ) got hancuffed an shit to a pole an fatass nelson laughed at his ballsless ass, Lisa went downtown an did a speech. It was called A IRRITATIN TRUTH

"Everybody we have to help the environemnt!" Lisa said. She pointed at a chart or some shit with a ruler. "If we dont clean Springfeld Lake well all turn into mutant an shit! FUCK!"

"Yeah this is borin" Moe said.
"Me bored" Barny said. He drunk some beer. "BUUUUUURP" :P

"So anyway this is a serious issue you fat fucks!" Lisa yelled. "We gotta clean the fuckin lake! We nearly lost the fuckin Wu-Tang clan an shit! YOUR BABYS COULD BE NEXT"

Then everybody ran out to the lake an started cleanin it up. Lisa walked outside an her mission wuz complete... but she was burdened by greater issues. To a tune kinda like "somewhere out there " from that movie with that jew mouse Lisa started singin.

I feel lost alone in this world
Nobody cares about this world
The environemt an animals are what I love
I love em even more than god above

Oh please save the wales an fishies an monkys an shit!

The pollution is killin our planet
The poachin is killin our animals
The war is killin us
It all has to stop

This planet is ours alone
We only have it 1nce
If we keep killin it
We wont have a place 2 go

Oh please save da wales an fishies an monkys an shit!

I wish for a greater future
Im young an yellow but I can dream
An I know bart cares about me
We have to write the goverment
Stop the child abuse an toxic waste
an corruption an shit

Oh please save da wales an fsihies an monkys an shit!

Then she saw some redheaded kid an got turned on. "Hey your hot!"
"Thanks" the kid said in a scottish accent. "My names Colin." He was also voiced by... FUCKIN BONO
"Ooh you got an irish accent!" lisa said. She was even more turned on. If she had a dick it would be harder than 100,000,000,000,000 diamonds. Diamnods are the hardest natural amterial, so you kno thats hard. you couldn ever understand how turned on Lisa waz

"So anyway I just moved here. My dad-"
"IS HE BONO?"
"No" colin said annoyed. "My dad is a rock god in Irish or wherever the fuck it is-"
"He's bono!"

"HES NOT BONO!" Colin said pissed offedly. BUT GET IT ITS REALLY REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE HES VOICED BY BONO.

"So anyway call me up sometime"
"Okay" bono said. He walked away an lisa passed out from how fuckin turend on she was

...

So at krusty burger bart was still handcuffed when Homer showed up.

"BOY! You did it!"
"No I didnt'! Bart said. "AND I got my balls burned off by that stupid grill! ITs all YOUR fault!"
"Eh dont be a pussy" HOmer said throwin bart some clothes "Theyll grow back. So lets go in an have a burger HUH?" he said like this: :D
"REally?" Bart said. "I'll have balls again?"
"No Im just fuckin with ya" homer said laughin. "Lets eat."
But little did he know that his son was already plottin revenge...

...

So homers eatin the burger in honker burger and the mothefucker camera is in his mouth as he eats it. But the thing is we can see some gold teeth. OH YEAH homer has some gold teeth in this movie to be more gangsta.
"Man I cant believe I got my balls burned off" Bart said. He started to cry. "I wont be able to jack of or have sexytime!"

"Oh man up boy" Homer said. Then they heard some shit.

"HEY EVERYBDOY ITS THE NEW KRUSTY SUPERBURGER!" Krusty da fuckin clown said "If you can find a greasyer sandwich... YOUR IN MEXICO!" Krusty you racist fucker. A pig was with him an it had a chefs hat on

"Okay the commercials done" Krusty said. "KILL THE FUCKIN PIGGY!"

Pig shit the pig looked at the knight an said 'EEEEEH!"

"NOOOO!" homer said. "You cant kill him! Well adopt him!"
The pig shit ran up to him an they took him home.

...

That night Marge an Lisa were at home when Homer an Bart an Pig Shit came in.

"AWWWWW!" Lisa said when she saw piggy shit. "Hes so cute!"
"I know!" marge said.
"Yep hes cute" Homer said... an then he pulled out a fuckin 9! "AN DELCIOUS!" He SHOT HIS GUN an BLEW OFF PIGGY SHITS HEAD! BLood splattered everywhere an piglet shit plooper's head hit lisa.

"NOOOOOOO!" Lisa said cryin her ass off. She ran upstairs. The rest of da simpsons stood around Pig Shit's headless bloody corpse.

"Dinner time!" Hoemr said. "Whos up for ROAST BEEF!"

So yeah they ate Pig Shit the Pig. But how will the town become currputed now?!

To be continued
 
Whats crakin bitches. So lots o shit went down but now Im back AN I got a fanfiction dot net account an shit! Im still waitin for those MOTHERFUCKERS to let me post a story (its a 2 day waitin period or some sht, BUULSHIT!) but I got a whole buncha storys cookin up for dat ass:

The Simpsons movie good version

A rewrite of da simpsuns movie dat fixes ALL the problems

Rainbow Dash joins da Wonderbolts (My little pony homieship is magik) (THIS WILL BE THE FUCKIN BEST ONE)

Rainbow Dash joins da fuckin wonderbolts an finds a secret: There a fuckin GANG! Spitfire is like the leader an Sourin or whatever his name is is her right-hand homie. An there fightin da police an the griffins an shit. But where duz Rainbow dash fit in? An what happens when Discock gets freed? Itlll be a bloody gangsta masterpiece with lots of violence cussin an maybe some sexytime shit too, so itlll be the most REALISTIC my little pony fanfic. An Spike will die a horrible death cuz I hate that little shitpetal.

Grand Theft Auto heroes

All da grand theft auto peeple (Cluade Tommy CJ Tony Vic an Niko an Jonny an Luiz) unite when the bad grand theft auto people (Catalina Tenpenny Pulaski Big SMoke Ryder Dimitry an dat army guy an ray bulgin) cum back from da dead an shit an unite!

So lets get crackin.

The simspons chapter 5 homer goez 2 jail

Dat nite bart was shittin in his fuckin bedroom still nursin da spot where his ballz got burned off. He was sittin on da bed an playin Grand Theft Auto IV (which is a classic game) when Lisa came in. an its a sad touchin scene so get your fuckin tissues out.

"hey bart" lisa said.
"What do you want bitch." bart said as he played gta 4 an shot roman in the balls with a rocket launcher. He was cryin (A/N: NOT ROMAN LOLOLOLOLOL :lol:)

"Listen bart... I herd you got your balls burned off." lisa siad wit symphetic intents. "Mom said you were doin stunts an went over a grill naked an..."

"I didnt do it!" bart said still cryin. "HOMER made me do it!"
Lisa gasped in shock. "So... dad made you do it"

"THAT COCKSUCKING BOOKBURNING CUNT-SNIFFING SON OF A BITCH IS NOT MY FAAAAAAAAAAATHEEEEEER!!!!!!" BART SIMSPNO SCREAMED AS HE THREW DA FUCKIN CONTROLLER THROUGH THE TV SCREEN. it hit roman in the nuts

"OOH MY BALLS!" roman said in a russian accent "Cuzin quit hurtin me!"
"Fuck you chumpdick" niko said. he shoot roman an the roman exploded an died.
"COOL!" niko said.

As niko went to smoke weed with Little Jacob an shit, lisa consoled bart. "Im gonna KILL that son of a whore lisa!"

"Bart dont do somethin youll regret. I mean I hate dad too, hes a fat piece of koala shit. but I dont wnat U 2 go to jail an shit!"
"SHIT!" bart said screamin an cryin. "Lisa your the only fuckin simpson I like. I dont always show it but U are."

"Really?" lisa said startin 2 tear.
"Yeah. I mean homer is a fat shithead, marge is a naggy bitchmonster, the stupid doggy shits everywhere, the kitty kat has hairballs, an dat dumbass Maggie thing just sucks all day. But you understand me an shit!" he gave her a fuckin hug. "I love you Lisa."
"I love you too Bart." lisa said cryin.

(A/NNNNN: you cryin yet? Its heartwarmin isnt it?)

"Well Im goin 2 bed." lisa said.

Lisa went to bed an bart shat on the windowsill sittin an thinkin. He was sittin there an a tear dropped from his eye. Ever since the beginnin, Bart had dreamed of havin a family of his own. Havin kids an a really fuckin HOT wife with big bubbies an shit. In fact he was gonna marry JESSICA ALBA (A/N: BOWCHICKABOWBOW! Where's da TISSUES?!) an murder that motherfucker cash warman or whatever the fuck his name was. Surely jessica alba would be okay with it after she saw growed-up bart's 50-inch long dick an balls the size of coconuts an he treated her 2 sexytime topped only by 50 CENT'S. (just listin to fuckin 21 questions! I GUARANTEE YOU a ton of babes got pregnent 2 dat fuckin song!)

BUT THAT DREAM WOULD NEVER BECUM A REALITY BECAUSE OF THAT SON OF A BITCH FAT FUCKER HOMER BURNIN OFF BARTS BALLS

he would never be able 2 have sex or even masterbate!

But barts brain was a simmerin. then

"HOWDLY DOODLY BARTBOY!" flanders yelled from nextdoor. he had the fuckin window down so bart could hear his mustached ass.

"Go fuck yourself flanders" bart said cryin. "Homer burned my balls off so now Im useless!"
"Aw thats awful!" flanders said. "Im sorry."
"YOu are?" bart
"Yep."

"Thanks" bart said. "You know youre actually pretty cool flanders. Cooler than that son of a bitch father of mine." bart said again.
"What are you gunna dooodly doodly dofuckindoodly do? HMMM?" flanders said like this: :confused:

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" bart said as he pumped his fist.

Then some weird shit happened in da fuckin FLANDERS house. Flanders got possessed by GOD an his eyes went bright white like flashlights in da darkest depths of koala ass.

"BART SIMPSON" GODFLANDERS SAID. "YOU MUST AVENGE YOUR MANHOOD BY KILLIN HOMER SIMPSON."

"Oooh Im gettin mission objectives from GOD?" bart said. "COOL MAN!" he had a face like this: :D
"YES YOU MUST KILL YOUR WORTHLESS FATASS YELLOW FATHER." GODFLANDERS SAID. "KILL HIM TOMORROW BE4 HE GOES 2 FUCKIN WERK!"

...

The next morning.

Homer got up outta bed. Margy was still asleep an tired after last night (if you know what I fuckin mean ;) )

After his mornin routine homr went downstairs an got 2 his kar in da garage an shit. But little did he kno dat BART WAS ON A SHELF WITH A AXE!

"Oh my fuckin balls hurt really bad!" homer said as he scratched his balls. "Ooh thats better."

"Oh there gonna be hurtin even MORE IN A MINUTE!" bart yelled!

"OH SHIT ITS A GHOST! AAAH!" HOMER SCREAMED AS HE RAN AWAY. BART JUMPED DOWN AN TOOK HIS AX AN HIT HOMER IN THE BACK!

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOHOHH!" homer said as he got hit by the blood came out of his back.

"YES!" bart said with his axe. "TIME 2 PAY FOR BURNIN OFF MY BAAAAAAAAAAAALLS!"

"I dont have time for this boy, Im gonna be late." homer said. he got in his car an drove off.

"COME BACK BITCH!" bart

...

So homer drove 2 fat tonys Scarface drug mansion.

"Man fat tony your house is da SHIT!" homer said.

"Thank you hoemr." fat tony said. "I got a mission 4 you: Kill Mr. Burns!"

HOmer shit his pants an his eyes pooped outta his hed with joy. "WAT!? I can get... REVENGE!"

"yes you can" fat tony siad. He handed homer a FUCKIN BAZZOOOKA. "Blow up the power plant an KILL all those motherfuckers."
"DONT MIND IF I DO!" Homer said "WOOHOO!"

...

Homer drove 2 the power plant an parked outside an shit. he was on a hill just like that guy who shot john f clinton or whatever the fuck his name was.

"All those motherfuckers woh betrayed me..." homer said... "THEY ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

HOMER FIRED HIS ROCKET AN BLEW THE LIVIN SHIT OUTTA THE POWER PLANT. IT WENT UP IN A MUSHROOM CLAUD AN everybody screamed as skeletens an blood an brains an baby balls an snakes an koalas an boobies an sharks an flaccid hobbit dicks rained down like purple fuckin rain BITCH.

"WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!" homer said as he did a dance. Then...

THE FUCKIN PIGS CAME IN THERE CAR

"Your under arrest homer simpson." the cop said. It was.... COLE PHELPS FROM LA NORE (LOL)

"Come with me or I will BLOW YOUR FUCKIN HEAD OFF!" cole felps said.

"You finally lost it partner." roy urle said. he was coles partner an shit. "just shoot this fatass an be done with it! Hes just and unshaved gorilla."

"DOH!" homer said. He gasped cryd AN shat his blue jeans.

"Okay book 'im roy." cole felps said. Roy erle put da handcuffs on homer.

"BUT I DIDNT DO SHIT YOU FUCKIN PIGGYS!" homer said.

"Well you just blew the livin shit outta a power plant, AN you killed a bunch of people AN your workin for fat tony." cole phelpz said

"UH-OH it dont look good homer!" roy said rollin on the floor laughin his motherfuckin ass off.

"Your goin downtown." COle phelps said. "Your gonna get the GAS CHAMBER!"

"DOH!"

to be continued
 
Yo homies so I uploaded dis shit on FF.NET an got a BAD REVIEW! :mad:

"I can't believe you had Bart's balls burned off and turned them in to people who use the f word constantly. I hate this story that ruins the movie. You monster."

First of all I DIDN'T burn off barts balls HOMER DID IT! an usin the f word a lot is a GOOD thing (just ask kwintin taratino!). IM NOT A MONSTER EITHER!

So Im writin chapter 7 now

Chapter 7 homer breaks out of jail

(WARNIN: THIS CHAPTER HAS A REALLY DISTURBIN RAPE SCENE. READER DESCRESION IZ ADVISED)

So homer got taked downtown with COLE FELPS an ROY EARLE FROM LA NORIE.

"Hey cole theres a zoo." roy said. "Reckon they take unshaved gorrillaz?"
"NOOOOOO!" homer said. "I DONT WANNA GET RAPED BY MONKYS AN SHIT!"
"Oh youll see..." Kole an roy said laughin.

They drove homer 2 jail an threw him in a cell. His cellmate...

"SIDESHIT BOB?!?!?!?"
"Yes it is me!" SIDESHOW BOB SAID. "Im gonna be YOUR WURST NITEMARE! But lol, nice job burnin barts balls off, that was funny."
"Thanks.' homer said.
"your welcome." sideshow bob sed. "Now come here.'
"NOOOOOO!"

Then homer got raped.

"DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DOH DHO DOH DO DO DOH DOH DOH DO OO DHOD ODHO DOG DHO DOH DOH DOH!" homer said as sideshow bob got revenge.

"HAHAHHAHAHHA!" sideshow said.

Then they went to bed... but homer was still awake! He found a chisel under sideshow bobs stack of playboys an hustlers an shit an started chislin away at the wall.

"This sucks, I aint stayin here!" homer said. "plus I hear the foods really fuckin bad."
So homer kept chislin through the wall until like 5 in the mornin when he got done. Then he started crawlin through the sewer like Andy dooframe in Shawsnake Redempshun.

"MAN THIS FUCKIN REEKS!" homer said as he crawled thru shit. "HOLY FUCKIN SHIT! LITERALY!"

then he saw a lite.

"A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNIL! IM SAVED!"

then he reached the light... but it wasnt a lite. It was... A GIANT FUCKIN ALLYGATER! (first action scene homies!)

"OH SHIT!" hoemr said as he saw the giant gater. THEN THE GATOR STARTED TO RAP

Yo muthafucka Im a giant alligator
Not a giant potater or a giant red tomater
A FUCKIN ALLIGATOR
AN IM GONNA EAT YO BITCH ASS
I used 2 be apoos but got flushed down da toilet
Cuz I tried 2 eat his fuckin elephent
Now Im in the sewer eatin mothafuckas
MMM MMM MMM MMM GOOD
I eat people who try 2 escape they taste really good
BUT NOW IM GONNA EAT YOOOOOOOOOU!

The gater tryd to eat homers fat yellow ass but homer took his chisle an stabbed the gaters eyeballz out an shit.

"OOOOW!" the alligator said.
"Hehehe" homer said as he walked away, kickin the gator in its allygater balls to finish it off. it was very dead.

Then homer kept crawlin.

"MAN THIS IS TAKIN FORFUCKINEVER!"

Then he saw anuther lite. he crawled 2 it. An... IT WAS THE END OF THE FUCKIN TUNNEWL!

"YAAAY!" homer said. "WOOHOO I BROKE OUT OF JAIL!"

it was rainin an shit so he stood in da rain like in the fuckin shawshake moovie an washed all the shit off. Then he was done.

BUT THEN THE SUN CAME OUT!

"OH SHITR!" homer said. "THERE GONNA SEE ME!" he ran an hijacked a car an drove away from the jail. he kept expectin 2 hear sirens an shit but there werent any an he was free!

"FUCKIN A!" homer siad. "WOOHOO BITCHES!"

....

homer was drivin home. BUT THEN..... he felt somethin bad in his gut. "Ugh I gotta take a shit."

homer kept drivin an lookin for a toilet or reststop or somethin. BUT THERE WAS NONE AND HE was stuck in HEAVY FUCKIN TRAFFIC!

"AAW!" ohmer yelled tryin to hold it in. "I REALLY GOTTA TAKE A SHIIIIIIIT!" he whined in that whiny voice when the dog ate all his cookys an he whined "AAAAW MY COOOOOKIES!" I dont know what episode it was so roll with it homies.

Then he got shitty eyes an saw a thing of bushes.

"A-HA!"

homer stopped his kar an ran out in the bushes. he disappeared behind em but soon shit lines started 2 appear in the sky like smoke signals an shit. Then he walked his blue jeaned fat ass out an sighed.

"OOH thats a relief!"

But as homer walked away... the towns pollution was increasin an increasin...

...
meanwhile at the fuckin WHITE HOUSE

we see some government bitch with big-ass titties walkin through the white house halls. she goes in the oval office (NOT THE ONE IN HER PANTS LOLOLOLOLOL!) an saw a turned chair.

"President Cargills?"

The chair spun around an... IT WAS RUSS CARGILLS! Hes a bit different thou. He still looks the same an is voiced by that pussy fish motherfuckin in FINDIN NEMO. But instead of some EPA guy, hes the MOTHERFUCKIN PRESIDENT. President Cargills. A MUCH more threatenin villain becuz he has THE ENTIRE FUCKIN US BEHIND HIS ASS. if that aint real I don't know what is.

"Yes?" president cargills sed.
"The pollution in springfeld just skyrocketed to like 700,000,000,000,000,000,000,99900e,94056093609509069!"

"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT!" president cargills said. "Thats worse than fuckin cherrynobel an the mile high island or whatever the fuck it was called an what happened in Japan... MULTIPLYED BY 50 AFTER BEIN ADDED!"

"Its the worst pollutuion in our earths history!"
"YES IT IS!" president cargills said. "WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN!"

He got on his big phone.

"PLACE A BIG FUCKIN DOME OVER SPRINGFELD ASAP!"

to be continued!

(AN: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SUSPENSEFUL WASNT IT!)
 
Financial Panther said:
The characters appear a bit OOC in this.
Click to expand...

what the fucks ooc?

Nevermind homie i just looked dat shit up (I googled it like porn). Yeah there innaccurate but my depictions are a LOT better an shit. seriously nothin in the show had da emotional turmoils of bart gettin his balls burnt off. in the show they woulda just had it as a one-shot joke but I dwelve in2 why its so fuckin horrid an how he feels.

Oh an I also drew another piece o art for it! http://i1149.photobucket.com/albums/o584/grapestr33t4life/HomeryouSUCKyouFATFUCK.png This is frum the song "Homer you SUCK you FAT FUCK" where Marge is yellin an shit at homer cuz he took a shit an contaminated the town. it looks like shes beatin him up but shes really flailin er arms around an pointin at him an shit, shes that fuckin mad.
 
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