You are Lisa Simpson.

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DISCUSS the environment and what must be done to save it, boring the guard to sleep and allowing entry to the plant.
 
Find FATHER and VERBALLY CRITICIZE him.

Then FIND MR BURNS and ATTACK him, as even with your low STRENGTH POINTS you should be able to wound him.
 
check inventory
You have:
$314.39 in cash
several bodily injuries
1 note from your substitute teacher
1 BB gun
1 help file that makes no sense to you at the present moment
1 issue of Playdude magazine
1 secret stash note
no tea
no skateboard

DISCUSS the environment and what must be done to save it, boring the guard to sleep and allowing entry to the plant.
You engage the guard in a discussion about the environment. The guard engages with you, arguing about the necessity of nuclear power as an alternative energy source. You have a thoughtful debate and learn a few things. Your IQ rose by 3 points!

Find FATHER and VERBALLY CRITICIZE him.

Then FIND MR BURNS and ATTACK him, as even with your low STRENGTH POINTS you should be able to wound him.
You don't know where your father is, and you're not sure if you really want to see him. He's been so cold and distant lately. Whenever you call him, he just gives you more money and tells you how many exp you need to get to the next level.

MR. BURNS is probably in the power plant, which you still don't have access to, and probably won't.

VERBALLY CRITICIZE MR BURNS.
You accuse Mr. Burns of being a black-hearted plutocrat who's destroying the environment, but you don't think he heard you.

>
 
(in the event that Lisa cannot goto Kwik-E-Mart and Apu is not present, )Go to 742 Evergreen Terrace.
Ring DOORBELL.
Enter.
Recite HELP FILE to WHOEVER OPENS THE DOOR FOR YOU.
Hand THIS PERSON the SECRET STASH NOTE.
Go to KITCHEN
Open REFRIGERATOR DOOR
Open WHICHEVER CABINET THE SALT IS IN
Salt WOUNDS
Equip BB GUN.
Sit and wait.
 
CONVINCE MILHOUSE to DISTRACT GUARD

ENTER NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

RADIATE YOURSELF
 
GO to SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

use SECRET STASH NOTE to OPEN LOCKERS

EMPTY CONTENTS into INVENTORY until INVENTORY IS FULL

go to SIDEWALK

WAIT for PASSER-BY

ENGAGE PASSER-BY in GAME of ANAGRAMS

EXIT GAME after FIRST ROUND

GO to SCHOOL GYMNASIUM

discard ISSUE OF PLAYDUDE

PICK UP BALL

BOUNCE BALL ONCE

drop BALL

collect ISSUE OF PLAYDUDE

exit GYM

go to LEMON TREE
 
Goto Kwik E-Mart

Ask APU how to get FAKE ID
You go down the street, over the bridge, etc. etc. until you enter the Kwik-E-Mart.

"I don't have time for questions, I was just robbed about an hour ago," says a concerned-looking Apu.

KEARNY pulls you aside. "Hey kid, I heard the DMV has a machine that can make licenses. If you know one or two of the workers, you just might be able to convince them to show it to you. Just an idea though."

Kearny exits the store.

(in the event that Lisa cannot goto Kwik-E-Mart and Apu is not present, )Go to 742 Evergreen Terrace.
Ring DOORBELL.
Enter.
Recite HELP FILE to WHOEVER OPENS THE DOOR FOR YOU.
Hand THIS PERSON the SECRET STASH NOTE.
Go to KITCHEN
Open REFRIGERATOR DOOR
Open WHICHEVER CABINET THE SALT IS IN
Salt WOUNDS
Equip BB GUN.
Sit and wait.
(commands ignored; if/else returned false)
RUN to HOSPITAL

ASK for APPOINTMENT

HEAL wounds

GO to MILHOUSE'S HOUSE
You run all the way to the SPRINGFIELD PRESBYTERIAN HOSPITAL. It honestly would have been a lot easier if you had gone to the hospital before the Kwik-E-Mart but you like to live dangerously.

The nurse asks you to pay a doctor's fee of $50 for an immediate appointment. You pay $50.00!

You enter DR. HIBBERT's office. "A-heh-heh-heh," he chuckles. "Looks like someone tried to fight a Level 5 enemy! Don't you know you have to level up before taking on upper-level bosses? Just fight a couple animals to achieve Level 2, then work your way up from there. Oh, a-heh-heh-heh, look at me getting all expository."

The doctor heals your injuries! You regained 95 HP!

You exit the hospital and go to MILHOUSE'S HOUSE. You ring the doorbell. After a minute, MILHOUSE'S MOM opens the door, wearing a silk robe. "Yes, what do you want?" she asks.
CONVINCE MILHOUSE to DISTRACT GUARD

ENTER NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

RADIATE YOURSELF
"Milhouse isn't here," his mom snaps. "I think he went over to Noiseland Arcade. He said something about a key. I remember because he was oddly specific. Now if you don't mind, I have some business to attend to." She slams the door.

(rest of command ignored due to lack of Milhouse, and you're tired of walking)

GO to SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

use SECRET STASH NOTE to OPEN LOCKERS

EMPTY CONTENTS into INVENTORY until INVENTORY IS FULL

go to SIDEWALK

WAIT for PASSER-BY

ENGAGE PASSER-BY in GAME of ANAGRAMS

EXIT GAME after FIRST ROUND

GO to SCHOOL GYMNASIUM

discard ISSUE OF PLAYDUDE

PICK UP BALL

BOUNCE BALL ONCE

drop BALL

collect ISSUE OF PLAYDUDE

exit GYM

go to LEMON TREE
You return to Springfield Elementary.

(using the secret stash note) You start opening lockers and taking stuff. You got: 27 TEXTBOOKS, 3 JACKETS, 5 POSTERS OF COREY, 1 APPLE CORE, 2 ISSUES OF PLAYDUDE, 2 MIRRORS, 1 KEY TO SKINNER'S CONFISCATED GOODS ROOM, 1 LIL' BASTARD CLOCK TAMPERING KIT, 1 BANANA, 1 TRAPPER KEEPER, 1 PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH, 5 BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, 1 SHOTGUN, and 1 RETAINER. You have filled your inventory with the maximum amount of unique items!

You exit the school and go to the sidewalk.

You wait for passerby. SARAH WIGGUM walks by.

You attempt to engage Sarah Wiggum in a game of anagrams. She politely declines. "Sorry, us generic passerby were not programmed to play games. We're just here to add 'color' and give expository hints and stuff." She walks off.

There is no game!!

You enter the SCHOOL GYMNASIUM.

You drop one of the issues of Playdude on the floor, for some reason.

You pick up the only ball, A DEFLATED BASKETBALL.

You cannot bounce the ball!!

You drop the ball.

You pick up the issue of Playdude and add it to your inventory again.

You exit the gym.

You head north on Elm Street several blocks and arrive at THE LEMON TREE.

>
 
EAT LEMONS in an attempt to raise ATTACK POINTS.

Then kill ANIMALS in an attempt to raise EXP and get to LEVEL 2.
 
PUT on JACKETS

jump TWICE

GO to SHELBYVILLE

GAWK at YELLOW FIRE HYDRANTS
 
DO NOT SHOOT random Shelbyvillyans with SHOTGUN

SWALLOW 2 Birth contol pills

EAT bannana

OGGLE Corey Posters
 
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GO to SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT

BUY one (1) one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND

STAND PERFECTLY STILL

When boarding process starts, BOARD THE PLANE

WHEN PLANE LAND at LONDON LUTON, EXIT plane

Pass through SECURITY

FIND A BUS to CENTRAL LONDON and ENTER
 
(in the event that you do not have enough money for the plane ticket) POINT SHOTGUN at TICKET COUNTER PERSON

SAY:
"If you don't give me one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND, I will blow your fucking brains out, bitch!''

When TICKET COUNTER PERSON gives you one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND, shoot any ARMED SECURITY GUARDS THAT ARE GOING TO ATTACK YOU

When boarding process starts, BOARD THE PLANE

WHEN PLANE LAND at LONDON LUTON, EXIT plane

Pass through SECURITY

FIND A BUS to CENTRAL LONDON and ENTER
 
EAT LEMONS in an attempt to raise ATTACK POINTS.


Then kill ANIMALS in an attempt to raise EXP and get to LEVEL 2.
You eat several LEMONS. Ordinarily you would gain 12 HP, but your HP level is already maxed out!

You think you are only supposed to fight the creatures who have clearly been hypnotized or possessed by a mysterious, possibly alien, force instead of killing them, but you shrug your shoulders.

You killed an ANT! You gained 1 exp!

You killed a LADYBUG! You gained 1 exp!

You killed a FLY! You gained 2 exp!

You cannot kill a SNAKE! You cannot kill objects with an EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT LEVEL (EAL) greater than 5! It is part of your vegetarian ethos.

You cannot kill a ROCK! A rock is not an animal!


face EAST
You face eastward. You can see ELM STREET and, beyond that, SPRINGFIELD AMPHITHEATER.

Seek out Goose Gladwell
You are not sure how to go about performing that action.

PUT on JACKETS

jump TWICE

GO to SHELBYVILLE

GAWK at YELLOW FIRE HYDRANTS
You are now wearing all three jackets.

You jump twice.

You head north to SHELBYVILLE.

SHELBYVILLE

You are in a blank void. You can see nothing. It is almost as if the game programmer failed to render a map of Shelbyville.

You cannot see any fire hydrants!

DO NOT SHOOT random Shelbyvillyans with SHOTGUN

SWALLOW 2 Birth contol pills

EAT bannana

OGGLE Corey Posters
You don't see any random Shelbyvillians to not shoot with the shotgun!

You swallow 2 birth control pills. The coating tastes sweet, but they grow disgusting as they settle in your stomach.

You eat the banana! Ordinarily you would gain 7 HP, but your HP level is already maxed out!

You take the 5 posters of Corey out of your inventory and spend a few minutes ogling them before putting them back.

GO to SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT

BUY one (1) one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND

STAND PERFECTLY STILL

When boarding process starts, BOARD THE PLANE

WHEN PLANE LAND at LONDON LUTON, EXIT plane

Pass through SECURITY

FIND A BUS to CENTRAL LONDON and ENTER
The SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT is almost exactly as far as possible from your present location and you are tired of walking!

(in the event that you do not have enough money for the plane ticket) POINT SHOTGUN at TICKET COUNTER PERSON

SAY:
"If you don't give me one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND, I will blow your fucking brains out, bitch!''

When TICKET COUNTER PERSON gives you one-way plane ticket to LONDON LUTON, ENGLAND, shoot any ARMED SECURITY GUARDS THAT ARE GOING TO ATTACK YOU

When boarding process starts, BOARD THE PLANE

WHEN PLANE LAND at LONDON LUTON, EXIT plane

Pass through SECURITY

FIND A BUS to CENTRAL LONDON and ENTER
(commands ignored; if/else returned negative)

TEACH SELF how to PLAY.
Please specify a thing to teach self to play.

WAIT for PASSER-BY

ASK PASSER-BY about ALAN SHERMAN.
There are no passersby! There is only a blank void! This game was designed poorly!

wear retainer
You are now wearing the retainer over your invisible braces.

UPDATE GAME
The game is already updated to the latest version (Version 3.14, 10/12/2004)!

>
 
Dismantle BB-GUN.
Dismantle SKATEBOARD.
Use INTELLECT to put together components from inventory and create GYROSCOPE.
Use GYROSCOPE to assess whether or not there is gravity. (also, extra parts permitting, build ACCELEROMETER so you can feel the g's.)
IF gravity is detected, use its torque-and-all-that to walk towards the massive space until out of the void.
ELSE, Float and remain inert alternatingly until a PURPLE SUBMERSIBLE enters view. Wave.
 
RETURN to CENTER of SPRINGFIELD

unscrew HEAD OF JEBEDIAH SPRINGFIELD STATUE

assess INSIDE of STATUE

IF statue is SECRET ENTRANCE, CLIMB IN
IF statue contains VALUABLE ITEMS, collect ITEMS
IF statue is JUST A STATUE, CAREFULLY replace HEAD and enter SPRINGFIELD TOWN HALL
 
TRY to gain the PITY of RANDOM SPRINGFIELDIANS with your NEWFOUND EMOTION.

Then MANIPULATE SPRINGFIELDIANS to gain EXP.
 
Dismantle BB-GUN.
Dismantle SKATEBOARD.
Use INTELLECT to put together components from inventory and create GYROSCOPE.
Use GYROSCOPE to assess whether or not there is gravity. (also, extra parts permitting, build ACCELEROMETER so you can feel the g's.)
IF gravity is detected, use its torque-and-all-that to walk towards the massive space until out of the void.
ELSE, Float and remain inert alternatingly until a PURPLE SUBMERSIBLE enters view. Wave.
Instead of doing all that, you just walk south back to Springfield.

RETURN to CENTER of SPRINGFIELD

unscrew HEAD OF JEBEDIAH SPRINGFIELD STATUE

assess INSIDE of STATUE

IF statue is SECRET ENTRANCE, CLIMB IN
IF statue contains VALUABLE ITEMS, collect ITEMS
IF statue is JUST A STATUE, CAREFULLY replace HEAD and enter SPRINGFIELD TOWN HALL
You cannot return to somewhere you have not yet visited!

TRY to gain the PITY of RANDOM SPRINGFIELDIANS with your NEWFOUND EMOTION.

Then MANIPULATE SPRINGFIELDIANS to gain EXP.
There is no try!!!

>
 
FIND ANY CAR and JACK IT

Then USE IT to DRIVE to SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT
 
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