READ---simpsons now a "sex comedy"

Tibor

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I don't think it was implied that the Simpsons are a strictly sex comedy, they certainly do handle mature subject matter. A pretty good list of sex episodes, though Large Marge is certainly amiss.
 

Tibor

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I don't have objections to sexual humor, but there are lines of distinction there. It can be handled as mature subject matter, or "Hee hee, they said boob!".
 

Matty

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"I heard a radio interview with producer Mike Scully, and he talked a little about the greatest Simpsons joke that never was. In the episode where Bart and Lisa had to share a room, there was one scene written, in which after the lights are turned out, Bart and Lisa open the drawer on the nitestand, and there's a baby in it. "Mom and Dad must never know," they say.
Unfortunately, the joke got cut out before it could go into production, as the writers knew that it would never fly..."

Funny, funny stuff... =/
 

DotheBartman

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Can someone post the text here? Can't see it from the actual site, long story.

Sounds scary though. :-O That Bart and Lisa joke is disturbing.
 

Channel Surfer

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Here you go. Two pages.

THE SENSUAL SIMPSON

Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding...

America's greatest television show, The Simpsons, just passed their 300th or so episode, and to celebrate that exciting milestone every single columnist and every journalist stuck for an idea had brought out a "best of" list of favorite Simpson episodes.
Tonight, I join their number. Besides, they were all wrong.

The reason I love The Simpsons? Not just the hilarity, not just the even-handed way they skewer everybody. What gets me is that alone of all the shows in the history of television, let alone animated programs, they've managed to present both an amazing amount of sexual habits and preferences, and a married couple who have never strayed. Homer and Marge have both been tempted in their time together, but their love is more than a match for such petty delights. It's inspiring, it is, and it's good to know that a balding fat man can elicit such joy in his bride. God knows Homer needs to be good at something...

So here are my own Top Ten Episodes, along with a plentiful supply of quotes.




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#10 "Homer Bad Man"
Homer and a reluctant Marge attend a candy convention, where (along with everything else he can grab) Homer swipes the rarest candy in existence: the Gummi Venus de Milo. They return home and dump the candy on the kids while Homer searches frantically for his prize, without luck. Finally he drives the baby sitter home, and as she gets out of the car he sees it stuck on her rear. Homer grabs it triumphantly, she shrieks and runs off, and Homer, oblivious, drives off into the biggest sexual harassment suit Springfield has ever seen.
Notable for the media circus, Homer inadvertently flashing the neighborhood, and the following exchange:

Bart: Why would anybody want to touch a girl's butt? That's where cooties come from!
Lisa: Dad, I don't understand. What is she saying you did?
Homer: Well, Lisa, remember that postcard Grampa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom?
Bart: Oh, yeah, that was brilliant!
Homer: That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong: that alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Bart: And the dog in the Coppertone ad? Same deal, Dad?
Homer: Well, there's kind of a grey area.
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Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice--wait a minute, actually a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good... and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one! You wanna drink another woman!


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#9 Summer of 4 ft 2
This one's going to seem strange to you, since there's no obvious sexual interplay here. The story concerns Lisa, on a family outing to the Flanders' beach house, getting in with the right crowd for the first time in her life. The part that got this episode on the list was when Homer went to buy illegal fireworks from a convenience store.

Homer: Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large box of condoms... a couple of those panty shields, andsomeillegalfireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Ehhh, make it two.
Later in the episode, while Homer is looking at his fireworks, Marge is going through the rest of his purchases.
Marge: I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out.

The kicker for me is later still, when it's the next morning, and we see Marge slowly drying a dish at the sink with a very dreamy look on her face. This may be the most understated joke I've ever seen on this show.
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Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking] My God! He is> coming onto me!
Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. (he chuckles, winks)
Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!


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#8 Large Marge
Not as many good lines for my tastes, which is why it isn't higher up, but how can I ignore a show that gives Marge massive hooters?
Marge, afraid that she's losing her attractiveness to Homer, goes in for some liposuction and ends up with breast implants. Big ones. She tries hiding them until she can have them removed, but finally relents and even enjoys them after Homer discovers them in the dark.

Homer: Well, someone's tucked in to an insane degree. Good night! Hey, give me some of those blankets.
Marge: Erm!
Homer: What's this? It's enormous! Oh my God, there's another one!
Marge: Homer, let me explain something-
Homer: Explain later!
Marge: Homie! (giggles) Ooh! Ooh, Homie! Oh! (thudding sound) Oh, what happened?
Homer: I fell off. (They both giggle)

She quickly discovers all the wonderful, shallow and sexist benefits to having big knockers, and goes on to be a model until her back starts to give out. But not before she saves the day (and several lives) with her bazoombas.
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Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else--and it hasn't--it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.


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#7 A Fish Named Selma
Continuing her astounding run of unfortunate husbands, Selma manages to land veteran actor Troy McClure. He's been out of work, you see, largely because of his rumored sexual preferences which are too strange even for Hollywood (his bumper sticker, Follow me to Springfield Aquarium!, is a clue).

Selma: Are you gay?
Troy: Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...

Despite his attraction to fish, Troy finds that public interest in him dating a woman starts bringing him job offers, so he woos and weds Selma to benefit his career. It falls apart, as all of her marriages do, but not before we have some laughs. Don't miss the Planet of the Apes musical, and Troy and Selma's hot and distant sex scene.
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Groundskeeper Willie: Have ye got any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes, Yes we do.
Willie: Then grease me up, woman!
Doris: Okey-Dokey.


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#6 Any episode with Smithers
Is he? Isn't he? Who cares, it's hilarious to watch.

Mr. Smithers: "People like dogs, sir!"
Burns: Nonsense. Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Uh... if YOU did it, sir...?

Smithers: Sir, there may never be another time to say... I love you, sir.
Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.

Smithers: I don't think women and seamen mix, sir.
Burns: Yes, we know what you think.

Burns: You see me as a God, right Smithers?
Smithers: Absolutely, sir
Burns: You'd kneel before me?
Smithers: Boy, would I!

Burns: I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this so-called...iced cream.
Smithers: Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that...[ahem]...I...love you.
Burns: Hmm?
Smithers: [quickly] In those colors! [aside] Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!

Smithers' computer, in Mr Burns' voice: "Hello... Smithers... you're... quite good at... turning... me... on." Smithers: Er, I think you should ignore that.

Mr. Burns: Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt?
Smithers: Wha...? I...
Mr. Burns: You know, mothers lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Eh, eh, eh, exactly sir.

Smithers: I've never gone behind Mr. Burns' back before but Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views, er, conflict with my... choice of lifestyle.

I could do a column just on this, you know. Many have.


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Homer: Hey Marge...guess how many boobs I saw today? Fifteen!


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Channel Surfer

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Continued

#5 The Last Temptation of Homer
Homers first real temptation, a woman at the nuclear plant who's pretty, lazy, gluttonous, and likes him back. Mindy, voiced by Michelle Pfieffer, is just the sort of girl Homer could fall for, and he's nervous about it.

Homer: Whew! I made it the whole day without seeing her again.
[The elevator arrives and Homer gets in. The door closes and he notices he's crammed in with Mindy]
Homer: Aah! I mean, hello!
Mindy: [awkward] Heh...I guess we'll be going down together -- I mean, getting off togeth -- I mean --
Homer: That's OK. I'll just push the button for the stimulator -- I mean, elevator.
[Homer closes his eyes and chants unhappily, "Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts..." First he imagines Patty and Selma in the bathroom together, shaving their legs. "Ohh, that's unsexy," he shudders. Then Barney in a bikini: "Eww!" Barney is singing the theme from "I Dream of Jeanie" seductively, but he's interrupted when he burps.]

Mindy shares his feelings, and Homer decides to avoid her entirely, which is when they get chosen to represent the plant at this year's energy convention, where (of course) they win a romantic dinner for two. The rest is Homer's anguish as he approaches the inevitable with aroused terror.
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Homer: I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing...bring me my ranch dressing hose!


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#4 Treehouse of Horror IX
Here I'm thinking of the third segment, ""Starship Poopers," where it is revealed that Maggie is actually the love child of Marge and the space alien, Kang. In a striking coincidence, the flashback of the actual mating is disturbingly similar to my honeymoon...

Kang: Congratulations. You have been selected for our cross-breeding program.
Kodos: To put you at ease, we have recreated the most common spawning locations of your species. You may choose either the back seat of a Camaro, an airplane bathroom, a friend's wedding, or the alley behind a porno theater.
Marge: I absolutely refuse to go along with this; [pause] but since I have no choice, I'll take the alley.
[The alley set slides behind the couch. Kang retracts his helmet and sits next to Marge]
Kodos: Initiate fertilization procedure.
Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?
Marge: [voiceover] I tried to resist, but they applied powerful mind-confusion techniques.
Kang: Look behind you.
[Marge looks, and Kang quickly uses a ray gun to beam something on her]
Kang: Insemination complete. [His helmet snaps back into place]
Marge: Really? That seemed awfully quick.
Kang: What are you implying?
Marge: Nothing, nothing.
Kang: Whoa, wow, look at the time. I'd love to stay but I have an early meeting tomorrow. You're a super girl, though. I'll call you sometime. [He pushes a button marked "dump." The couch cushion tilts up, and Marge falls back to Earth through a chute]

It was a beautiful thing. And, like all alien-related beautiful things, it ended up on Jerry Springer.
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Agnes Skinner: Seymour! Are you looking at naked ladies?
Principal Skinner: No, mother!
Agnes:"You sissy!


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#3 Bart After Dark
After hearing of a tragic oil spill that results in oil-soaked wildlife and the attendant celebrities, Lisa talks Marge into taking her and Maggie to help out, leaving Homer and Bart alone. Bart, playing with friends, goes to retrieve a frisbee off a huge Victorian mansion and falls, breaking a gargoyle. Homer insists Bart work it off, so he sends Bart to work for the old lady. Bart is a touch surprised to discover the old lady runs a burlesque house...
Well worth it for the stage shows, Bart's easy acceptance, the city council meeting that revealed which citizens had been there (including Smithers: "My parents insisted I give it a try") and most of all the final song.

Wiggum, Krusty & Skinner: We remember our first visit,
Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun, since March of 1961!
Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
Jimbo, Dolph & Kearney: We just heard this place existed!
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Homer: I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.


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#3 Grampa vs Sexual Inadequacy
After Homer admits to boredom in the bedroom, Grampa reproduces his secret tonic to put some yowsers in your trousers. Homer tries it, his eyes pop, and he rushes home to throw money at the kids, throw them out, and rush Marge upstairs.

Marge: Here he is: Rex Harrison and Paul Anka rolled into one. Ooh, hmm. That tonic really works -- you and Grampa should bottle it and go into business together.
Homer: You want me to spend more time with Dad? What about my New Year's resolution?
Marge: You can make a lot of money...
Homer: Yeah! Where are my pants?
Marge: You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. You said you were never going to need them again.

Homer and Grampa go on to sell the tonic to neighboring towns (Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid) and the couples of Springfield respond with energy and passion, completely freaking out their kids. There's also some stuff about Homer and his dad, I guess, but it's secondary to the sexin'.
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Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man... which makes me the woman. I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.


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#2 Homer's Phobia
The family meets John, the owner of a kitsch collectables shop (played perfectly by John Waters) who quickly becomes a part of their lives. Which is why Homer is so shocked when he finds out that John is (gasp) gay.

Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going.
Homer: Woah-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way.
Marge: What on Earth are you talking about?
Homer: You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals fa-laming.

Way too many good lines in this one, I'd have to post the whole thing. See it for John, the gay steelmill, and... hell, just see it for the gay steelmill.
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Burns: I need your help. I want to be loved.
Homer: [uneasily] I see.... Well, I'll need some beer.


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And the number one episode, as far as I'm concerned:

#1 Natural Born Kissers
Homer and Marge try to unflag their flagging romance (Marge: "Kids, I want to explain about the stadium. You see, sometimes, Moms and Dads get a little accustomed to each other." Homer: "Dads especially.") but their efforts fail. Finally, on a trip out to the country to buy a freezer motor, they get caught in a rainstorm, stalked by an irate farmer, and rekindle their passion really, really hard. When they try again, at a bed and breakfast, it fails again until the maid walks in. Homer, shirtless, shrieks and covers his nipples with two teacups.

Maid: I'm so sorry! I saw everything. [walks out, closes door]
Marge: My heart's beating like crazy!
Homer: Mine too! Just like back in that hayloft.
Marge: You know, the fear of getting caught is kind of a turn-on.
Homer: There's that dirty girl I married! Come on. I have a disgusting idea.

They discover a shared interest in public sex, and we get to watch as they grapple behind curtains and revisit the site of their first time; the miniature golf course.

Marge: [laughing] Oh, this is so naughty. Coming back to our old love-nest.
Homer: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.
Marge: Oh, we drank so much that night!
Homer: Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit! [laughs]
Marge: [laughs uneasily] Yeah...
Homer: Well, this time I'm drunk on love! And beer.

Their problem comes when Maude Flanders unknowingly putts her ball into them, leading a large crowd of Springfieldians to grope under the windmill and threaten the SImpsons' exposure. Homer throws the windmill over and they escape in the smoke to go on a hilarious cross-town naked run that ultimately involves a balloon, a glass-ceilinged church, and a stadium full of people. In a series that's not afraid to strip their characters nekkid, this was their nekkidest yet.
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And yes, I left out a ton of 'em. Homer using some of Mr. Burns' monkey serum to give himself the sexual potency of 10 men in "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" (Marge: Oh, I hope the kids didn't hear us! [cut to Bart in his bed, looking awed, cut to Lisa in her bed, looking a little scared, cut to Flanders in his bed, looking amazed.] Flanders: Wow.). Marge and Homer nekkid all the way through the Genesis Story in "Simpson Bible Stories" (Homer: You're really uptight for a naked chick.). Oh, and when Marge finds out about his Vegas bride! (Homer: But we didn't make whoopee! We didn't even make mouth whoopee!) And still to come this season is "Three Gays of the Condo," when Homer moves in with two gay guys (guest-starring Weird Al Yankovic).

Congratulations to The Simpsons, and may they last a few more years. There's still some lifestyles they haven't picked on yet...
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Next week - I don't watch that much television, and I'm losing track. Did Joe Millionaire marry Michael Jackson, or what?

My thoughts: Why did the writer exclude the panda rape. How can any episode list of this nature miss the panda rape? :uhh: Otherwise, pretty funny all the way through, and a solid list of the more intimate episodes.

BTW DotheBartman, I don't know if you've tried this or not, but if you right click the properties of the link, it displays the address to the link in its properties. Perhaps you could copy it into your address bar to load up the link.
 
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Patches O'houlihan

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Matty said:
"I heard a radio interview with producer Mike Scully, and he talked a little about the greatest Simpsons joke that never was. In the episode where Bart and Lisa had to share a room, there was one scene written, in which after the lights are turned out, Bart and Lisa open the drawer on the nitestand, and there's a baby in it. "Mom and Dad must never know," they say.
Unfortunately, the joke got cut out before it could go into production, as the writers knew that it would never fly..."

Uh, that's just...I dunno, sick? :-O
 

Andy

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If you're going to think about Bart and Lisa.... that way... get off the damn staff. Sicko.
 

George Cauldron

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Matty said:
"I heard a radio interview with producer Mike Scully, and he talked a little about the greatest Simpsons joke that never was. In the episode where Bart and Lisa had to share a room, there was one scene written, in which after the lights are turned out, Bart and Lisa open the drawer on the nitestand, and there's a baby in it. "Mom and Dad must never know," they say.
Unfortunately, the joke got cut out before it could go into production, as the writers knew that it would never fly..."

Funny, funny stuff... =/

I don't understand the joke. I just don't get it. Please can someone explain it? It's dirty, I presume. I just don't understand what the baby in the drawer signifies.
 

Helper Monkey

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George Cauldron said:


I don't understand the joke. I just don't get it. Please can someone explain it? It's dirty, I presume. I just don't understand what the baby in the drawer signifies.

No help from the Helper Monkey on this one. George, if you don't know, here's hoping you don't ever find out.

HM
 

Tibor

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That would seriously make me hunt down and crucify Mike Scully. I'm considering it anyway...
 

StrideR

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George Cauldron said:


I don't understand the joke. I just don't get it. Please can someone explain it? It's dirty, I presume. I just don't understand what the baby in the drawer signifies.

It signifies the consequences of incestous activities. Someone should hound Scully down and flog him for suggesting that joke.
 

Mike Scully

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Wow, whoever even thought up the joke (and made it public, no less) has some serious issues and should seek some counseling. Sick bastard.




Wait a minute!
 

Ryan

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Jake said:


Mr. Scully: Bwahahahaha!!! I'm leaving after season 12 so I can make my own show and make up jokes as tasteless as possible because I'm Mike Scully, and I am invincible!!!

Really? What's it called, "My Big Fat Flop"? No...wait, that's the alternative title for CBS's new series "My Big Fat Greek Life" (sorry, I just watched it and it was a piece of crap)...
 

Patches O'houlihan

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homer5000 said:


Really? What's it called, "My Big Fat Flop"? No...wait, that's the alternative title for CBS's new series "My Big Fat Greek Life" (sorry, I just watched it and it was a piece of crap)...

Here's what I found:

The Pitts (Fox)(midseason)
Production Team: Mike Scully, Julie Thacker
Format: Half-Hour Comedy
Unlucky family faces one disaster after another.

SYNOPSIS:

Bob Pitt is a good-natured guy who thinks his family just has a little more bad luck than most -- like the Kennedys, but without the great looks or the millions of dollars. No matter what horrible tragedy befalls the family, Bob figures things could always be worse.

Bob's wife Liz loves him for his always-optimistic outlook on life, but wishes he were not quite so trusting. Their 12-year-old son Petey thinks the stuff that happens to them is pretty cool and exciting, while Faith, their 15-year-old daughter, is terminally embarrassed by her family's constant stream of larger-than-life crises. She'd just love to go one week without being the headline in the school newspaper. From psychotic nannies to being chased by survivors of an Andes plane crash with knives and forks to contracting a mysterious rapid-aging disease, this dark comedy proves that life can be as funny as fiction -- or is it the other way around?

----

I'm not sure if this was same comedy where the originally cast main character came down with cancer (and died?).

Jake
 

Ryan

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Whoa, that sounds like The Simpsons meet Married With Children meets Family Guy meets Mike Scully. Sounds terribly bad and terribly true that FOX gave it a greenlight...
 
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