My script "Guess who's coming to Fox", rewritten and continued

Fox Executive

the original Sex Pistol
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
Messages
1,465
Location
just a coupla minutes from here
I've started this script a long time ago and I just recently found some of the pages again. I liked it and I thought I could post it here and see what you guys think. If you like it, I'll try to finish it (I'm stuck somewhere in act II and I don't have a good ending yet). All right, here goes:

Guess who's coming to Fox

Act I
Scene I


Homer and Bart are at the Springfield Dump. They're going through the garbage to find something useful.
Homer: Wow, another slice of pizza.
Homer eats it and really enjoys it.
Homer: This pizza definitely is from '96, an unforgettable taste.
Bart finds something.
Bart (yells from behind): Look what I just found!
Homer yells: Whaaat?
Bart yells: A video camera.
Homer yells: Whaaat?
Bart runs over to Homer and shows him the video comera that still seems to be fine.
Homer (normal): What?
Bart: It's a video camera. You should give it to mom 'cause it's your wedding day.
Homer: What? ... Oh yeah, I almost remembered.
Homer and Bart get out of the dirt and drive back home.

At the Simpson residence
Homer (excited): Look Marge, I bought you something.
Homer gives Marge a white box.
Marge: Ooh!
She opens the box.
Marge: A camera! Thank you, Homie, thank you so much!
She kisses hm.
Homer: You know, there's something special about that camera.
Marge: What? What do you mean?
Homer: It has a video in it. Let's watch it right now!
5 minutes later: The whole family sits on the couch and watches the tape.
Man in the tape (Homer dressed up): Hello, Simpson family! My name is Andrew Cranston and I want to share something with you. A very nice man named Homer Simpson gave me the instruction to show Marge, how happy the past couple of years really were.
Then some home-made videos were shown. Marge cooks for the family, Marge cleans the toilet and Marge having a bath.
After the end of the film:
Marge: That's so sweet, Homie. I wanna do something like that too. Do we have mor of those videos?
Bart: We did, but Homer burned them all last year when you told us about your college love and all that crap.
Marge: Oh yeah... You know, Helen Lovejoy gives filming lessons at the church on Saturdays. Maybe I should join.
Lisa: Yeah, why not? Go out and have some fun, mom!
Marge: Ok then, I'll call her in a minute!



Act I
Scene II


Marge is on the phone. Helen runs from her citchen into the livingroom to get te phone.
Helen: Lovejoy here, what can I do for you?
Marge: Hi Helen.
Helen: Oh, hello Marge. Have you already heard the latest news? Chief Wiggum ynd his w...
Marge interrupts her.
Marge: Yes, I did. I have a question: Can I join your club?
Helen: But of course you can. Jut come to the church, every Saturday at 2 we will have our meeting in the basement.
Marge: Thanks Helen! See ya!
Helen: Bye, Marge.
Homer comes in.
Homer: Hey Marge, guess what. I just heard: Chief Wigg...
Marge interrupts him.
Marge: yes, I know. Guess what. I joined Helen’s club!
Homer: uhh great... Maybe you can ask her to give us our mattress back, then we could.. you know... Rock the casbah tonight.
Marge: All right, I will. But I wanna watch COPS first.
Homer: Hey, that’s fine with me, I’m just glad that you’re nice enough to fake interest.
Marge: whatever...

In a ‘‘public services‘‘ room in church. Helen, Agnes, Edna, Louann, Marge and 3 other ladies sit in a circle and all have their cameras.
Helen: Hey everyone, welcome to today’s meeting of our lovely group. Today’s topic is the over-shoulder pespective. It’s very simple: You just film the talking person over the shoulder of the person that she’s talking to, that’s also where the name comes from. It’s often used in movies or on TV because it makes dialogues more interesting. Now get together in groubs of 4. Great, now two of you just talk to each other and the two ones left film it over their shoulders.
Everyone follows Helen’s instructions, Marge films Louann over Edna’s shoulder. She’s very good at it. Suddenly a man in a tuxedo comes in and quietly sits down. After a couple of minutes everyone sits down and listens to Helen.
Helen: Great work, ladies! Now we’ll make a real movie out of it, just like the Hollywood guys do.
Marge and her group sit in front of a notebook and they cot together the films. After everyone has finished, Helen shows the movies on Her beamer. After that, the lesson is over and everyone leaves.
Man in the tux: Excuse me, Ms Simpson. My name is Johnson, John Johnson. I work at Fox Network.
Marge: Oh, pleased to meet you. I love your shows!
Johnson: Ok, now you’re just being polite.
Marge: Yes, I am.
Johnson: I have an offer for you. How would you like to get a camera woman on ‚House‘?
Marge (very surprised): Oooh, That’d be great! ... But I have to discuss it mith my family first.
Johnson (very sad for some reason): Oh, I understand
Marge: Here’s my number.
She hands him a card.
Marge: Call me tomorrow at 2 o’clock.
Johnson: Ok, Ms Simpson. See you.
Marge: See ya!



Act II
Scene III


Homer: You really wanna go to LA?
Marge: Well... Yes, I do.
Homer: Hmm, Los Angeles. Home of the world’s most famous actors and the world’s most infamous TV writers. I’m sure this town would be a great new home.
Marge: So you think it’s a great idea?
Homer: Well, I wouldn’t call it great per se, but if you want to make a carrer in Hollywood then I would gladly come with you.
Marge: So what you’re saying is...
Homer (a bit annoyed): Homer support Marge. If Marge LA, then Homer LA.
Marge: Then it’s settled. The Simpson family is going to Los Angeles... again.
The phone rings and Homer gets it.
Homer: Yello.
Mr. Johnson: Hello, Johnson here. So, have you reached a decision yet? Are you coming?
Homer: Of course! By the way, I love your shows!
Mr. Johnson: Thanks! That's probably because you are an average moron. I'll tell Hugh that you're coming. Goodbye.
Homer: Bye, Mr. Fox.
Homer: So, I think we have some packing to do.

4-7 hours later
Ned comes to say goodbye.
Ned:I know you'll be back, but anyway, goodilly-bye Simpsons!
Homer: Yeah, yeah...
The family gets in the car and they dive away.
Homer (through the window): So long, suckers!

5-8 hours later
The family drives through Hollywood in a brand new convertable. They stop in front of a huge modern building. A giant sign says: "FOX Network. We'd watch your show!" Next to the Fox building there's a small and shabby house. There's another sign that says: "NBC: That's false advertising."

In a nice, big office. Bart and Lisa run around and play something.
Thompson: Hi, I'm Gerald Thompson, head of the FOX Network. I hear you film great movies, Mrs...
Marge: Simpson. Marge Simpson.
Homer: And I am Homer. Simpson. Homer Simpson. No, Homer Jay Simpson.
Thompson: Nice. So Marge, you're gonna be a cameraman on "House"?
Marge: A camera-woman, that is.
Thompson laughs (WAY too long).
Thompson: Yeah, sorry. Man, that sure was funny. You could be a writer for Family Guy if you want.
Marge: Eeeww, no thanks.
Thompson: Well anyway, you can start filming rightaway. I'll call the limousine service and they'll take you to our studios in the valley.
Homer: What valley?
Thompson: San Fernando Valley.
Lisa: Oh, can we go see the mission? I hear Mission San Fernando is a must-see for tourists.
Homer: I'm sorry, Lisa, but Mission Impossible.
Homer starts laughing and doesn't stop for at least 10 seconds.
Homer (while laughing): (laughing) you know.. (laughing) because of the movies... (laughing)
Lisa: Sorry I asked. (whispering) Stupid son of a...
Thompson: I'm sorry, Simpsons, I have to go now, Rupert wants me to buy him some more newspapers.
Marge: Bye Gerald, thanks for everything!
Homer: Goodbye, you wonderful person.
Thompson: Bye Simpsons. Oh, and don't forget to watch the new season of American Idol, every Tuesday and Wednesday on Fox.
Homer: Sure. I love to see those losers in the castings, makes me feel a lot better. (quick cut to Marge)
Marge: And me a lot smarter (quick cut to Lisa)
Lisa: Yeah, me too. (quick cut to Bart)
Bart: What? (quick cut back to Thompson)
Thompson: I don’t know what the hell that just was, but anyway, see you guys later!
Thompson leaves and his secretary gives Marge an appointment. The the Simpsons leave too. They walk out of the building and see that their new car is gone.
Marge: Well, we're really in LA, aren't we.
A stretch limo comes to pick them up.
Driver: To the FOX Studios, right.
Marge: Yeah, that's right. And can you please drive slowly because...
Driver: ...you want to se the stas of the Walk of Fame?
Marge: No, because Maggie doesn't have a seat belt.
Driver: But that's FOX's motto: "Nothing for children."
Homer: Will you shut up and drive us there already?
Driver: All right, all right, Jesus. We’ll be there in about 20 minutes.




Act I
Scene IV


45 minutes later

Driver:And we’re here. Have a pleasant day, guys.
The Simpsons get out and they find themselves in the middle of huge buildings. A man runs over to them. It’s Kiefer Sutherland.
Kiefer (as Jack Bauer): Hi, I’m Jack Bauer.
Homer: Yeah, right...
Kiefer (now as himself): No, it really is me, Kiefer Sutherland.
Homer: See? You’re already someone else.
Kiefer: I can’t think of a good response to that statement, so I’m just gonna change the subject. Gerald told me I should lead you guys around. Should we start?
Marge: A studio tour with an actor whose show is losing steam. It’s like the Universal Studios Tour.
They drive around in a golf cart.
Kiefer: There’s the set of “Bones”.
All: Aaah!
Kiefer: And there’s our “Fringe”-studio.
All: Oooh!
Kiefer: And there’s my home, the “24”-set.
All: Uuuh!, Homer: Buuuuh!
Kiefer: And here’s Marge’s new workplace: The “House”-studio.
All: Wooooow!
Kiefer: Well, I have to leave now, just go in and ask for Sophie, she’s our studio guide.
Marge: Great, thanks for the tour!
Bart: Cool to see ya again, Kiefer!
Homer: Get a better show, man!
Kiefer: Bye!
Marge: What a nice fella. He should’ve won some more Emmys.
They walk through the glass door and find themselves in a giant hall. A woman behind a desk waits for them.
Sophie: Oh, you must be the Simpsons, I’ve been exspecting you. Let me show you our sets.
Marge: Thanks, we’re very excited!
Homer: No, we’re not.
Marge: Oh yes, we are.
She puts her hand over Homers mouth to shut him up. They walk into a hospital-set.
Sophie: There’s Wilson’s office and there’s the emergency room.
Bart: When do we get to House’s office?
Sophie: Oh, that’s in a different studio, Marge will be working here and only here.
Homer (very disappointed): Awww!
Marge: Oh, I don’t mind. Anyway, Sophie, when do I have to start tomorrow?
Sophie: Oh no, Marge. You have to start today, in 2 hours.
Marge: That’s fine, but may I ask why?
Sophie: Sure.
Camera cuts back and forth, but nothing happens.
Marge: uhm… Why do I have to start in 2 hours?
Sophie: Because it’s the only time in the week that Hugh has time. He’s also starring in a Broadway musical, tomorrow he’ll be on Conan (letters on the bottom of the screen: WEEKDAYS 11pm / 10pm CENTRAL ON FOX) on Tuesday on Jay and he’ll appear in Scorsese’s latest movie.
Marge: That poor guy…
Homer: Yeah, Scorsese sucks! And don’t get me started on Jay…
Sophie: Oh, time for my break. Bye guys, see you in one hour and 58 minutes!
Everyone: Bye.
She leaves and a weird-looking guy in a smoking comes and takes Marge away from the family and shows her how a HDTV-camera works. Homer and the kids walk around on the set.
Homer: You know, I feel really televisiony when I walk’n’talk in the hospital like they do on TV.
Bart: Yeah, it’s just like Scrubs.
Homer: Shut up, Bart.
Lisa: I love hospital shows. They’re all real, you know. The writers of those shows are geniuses.
Bart: Yeah, that’s definitely harder than sitcom-writing.
Homer: Sitcoms are written?!? (He starts laughing hysterically.)
Lisa: Yes, in fact they were on strike two years ago. They wanted more money.
Homer: They should be gladthat they even get something for writing that crap.
Bart: What are you talking about, there are many good sitcoms on TV.
Now they all start laughing.
Camera zooms to Marge and the guy, who seem to have been listening.
Guy: Well, who didn’t see that one coming... And who would’ve guessed that there’ll be more commercials now.
Camera turns and we see a huge screen with a commercial on. Camera zooms in and now we are watching commercials as well.

End of the first act.



Act II
Scene I


Gregory House jumps into the hospital through and open window.
Director: Aaaand CUT!
Marge turns off the camera and walks to the House-stuntman who’s just jumped through the window.
Marge: That was fantastic, Mr…
Man: Dwarf, Estonian Dwarf. My friends call me Esthony.
Marge: Fine, Esthony, my friends call me… well, I don’t really have friends, but you can call me Marge.
Man: Ok, Marge. Say, do you wanna go out for a coffee?
Marge: Yeah, I’d love to!

Meanwhile in Burbank, California
Homer and the kids sit on a small table in a dirty, small appartment near Burbank Airport. The TV in the kitchen is on, but nobody’s watching.
Lisa: Dad, I told you we should’ve waited for a better network to come along.
Homer: But this is Fox, the best network there is. I feel like god betrayed me.
Lisa: God didn’t betray you, Rupert Murdoch did.
Homer: Isn’t that what I just said?
Lisa: Oh, I’m sorry, Dad.
Homer: Sometimes I feel like I’m the only smart one in the falimy.
Lisa: It’s pronounced family.
Homer: That’s just your, opinion, stupid.
Lisa gives up ang sighs.
Bart (walks in): Hey dad, It’s not so bad, we have free cable here.
Homer: Really?! Thank you, Rupert, you just saved my life!
Homer runs out and sits down on the floor (because there’s no couch) in front of a small TV.
Bart: Lis, we gotta get outta here.
Lisa: I know. But how?
Bart: I have a plan: You convince dad to appear on next week’s American Idol and I rig some votings.
Lisa: But dad will never win!
Bart: Sure he will. We just have to put him on a bed.
Lisa: Yeah, that might work. How nice, my dad might become the next Paul Potts.
Bart: Ok, I go now and you call the Idol-hotline. The number is 555-AMERICAN IDOL.
Lisa: Duh!
Bart: Bye, Lis. May Rupert have mercy on our souls.
Bart smiles and then leaves. Lisa sits down next to Homer.
Lisa: Dad, would you like to win a lot of money?
Homer: Sure, go on.
Lisa: Ok, just call this number and you’ll be rich in a few weeks.
Homer: Wohoo!
Homer then calls the AI-hotline.
Lisa: Ehhxcellent.

Meanwhile back in Los Angeles, California, home of the Fox Studios (among others)
Marge sits behind a camera and films in Dr Wilson’s office.
Wilson: House, you’re a selfish idiot. You risked the life of my patient just o find out that your patient has another type of GSD. I’m gonna tell Cuddy. This isn’t over, you’ll…
House: Are you done? I have a date with a needle and your patient now and we can’t let her wait cause she might die.
House leaves, Wilson sits behind his desk alone and starts crying for no particular reason. Marge walks over to him.
Marge: wow, you’re a good cryer, Mr. Leonard.
Wilson: Thanks! The new tear canals cost about 30,000 dollars.
Marge: Oh…
Her cellphone rings and she picks it up.
Marge: Hello?
Homer: Hey Marge, guess what! I’m going to American Idol!
Marge: Wow, that’s great! Me too!
Homer: What!?
Marge: Gerald told me that they need another cameraman and I said that I’d be happy to do it.
Homer: D’oh! Oh almighty Rupert, why do you always have to mock me!?



Act II
Scene II


On the stage of American Idol, in fornt of a studio audience.
Seacrest: Welcome back to American Idol, I am your host, Ryan Seacrest. We just heard Marion Winters perform and now we’ll give the stage to a fat guy from Springfield, Missouri: Homer Simpson. He’ll perform his favourite song „Uptown Girls“ while lying in a bed for no reason. I’m sure you’ll love him!
Homer’s bed is pushed on stage by two security guys Homer starts singing, but within seconds, the audience starts throwing Coca Cola-bottles (official sponsor) at him.
Seacrest: I’m sorry, apparently our applause sign doesn’t work anymore. We’re going to commercials, but please, stay right here on Fox. I’m Ryan Seacrest, America’s most famous gay midget.


Marge, Esthony and a Fox executive sit in a Domino’s Pizza at Crenshaw Ave. And eat some pizza.
Fox executive: First of all, I’m sorry that we have to eat in this dump, but this is the only restaurant in town that isn’t being watched by Rupert. I’ll explain that later.
Marge: But why does that matter?
FE: Because I want to give you a, uhm.. let’s call it an inofficial promotion.
Esthony: Good for Marge, but why am I here?
FE: For 2 reasons, my short friend: Firstly, I wanna fire you, secondly, I want you to create and develop a new show for Fox.
Esthony: Oh, goddamnit!
FE: Fine, TV-14 it is.
He’s furious and leaves. (Background joke: He gets mugged by a black guy on the street)
FE: OK Marge, now to you. Your last shooting was just brilliant! Congratulations!
Marge: Why thank you, Mr...
FE: Bronson. Just Bronson. Yeah, well, that’s why I want to give you the most overpaid and laid-back job network television has to offer. Marge, I want you to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol.
Marge: Wha... that’s... that’s just... You’re out of your mind, I can’t do that!
FE: Why not?
Marge: My religion forbids it.

Cutaway sequence: Moses comes down a mountain à la ‚10 Commandements’.
Moses: God told me 10 rules. 10 simple rules you should always follow. Number one: Thou shalt not judge any of God’s creatures.
He turns right to the camera.
Moses (angry): NOT EVEN ON AMERICAN IDOL!

Back at Domino’s Pizza
Marge: See?
FE: Bleh. But before you go, take a look at this?
He hands her a sheet of paper.
Marge: What is this?
FE: This is what you’d get paid if you come to American Idol.
Marge: Thanks, but I already have paper.
FE: No, look at the number that’s written on it.
Marge reads it, and she slowly stands up without any expression.
FE: So?
Marge: When do I have to be where?
FE: Studio 15, tommorrow, 10:30. Be on time, we have a fat guy that has to be tied to a bed first. Yeah, he sucks, but he delivers big ratings.
Marge: OK, I’ll be there. By the way, you said that we were in this restaurant because Rupert wasn’t watching it, what’s the deal with that?
FE: That was a lie, I just really like the pizza here.

At the Simpsons’ crappy appartment in Burbank, CA
Bart gets home and enters through the dirty door.
Bart: I made it, Homer wasn’t voted off. Was a tough pieca work, though.
Lisa: Good job, Bart. But how did you do it?
Bart: Remember when I found Dennis Leary’s phone?
Lisa: Yeah.
Bart: Well, I used it to vote for Homer about a million times. And now let’s see how Homer’s doing.
Camera zooms to the screen of the cellphone.



Act II
Scene III


On the stage of American Idol. The camera pans through the audience which consists of crazy-looking rednecks. And the end of the pan, Ryan Seacrest stands on the stage.
Seacrest: And here he is, the guy you guys can all identify with: Homer Simpson!
The American Idol-music plays and Homer waks out, without his singing-bed.
Homer (starts to sing): Uptown girls, she was living in a…
Bart changes the channel on his cellphone.
Bart: All right, our work is done.
Lisa: But you didn’t even hear how he sang?
Bart: Yeah, so? Do you seriously think the singing matters? Seacrest said it himself, our stupid fat dad is exactly who the voters will identify themselves with. Thank god only morons watch American Idol.
Lisa: Amen to that. Hey Bart, would you mind changing the channel back to Fox? I’m suddenly experiencing a need to watch the rest of the show.
Bart: yeah, I know, me too.
Bart changes the channel to Fox. Simon Cowell is giving his statement to Homer’s performance.
Simon: Homer, this just isn’t what you’re cut out for. People like you are supposed to work in a 7/11.
The audience boos, Homer is nodding.
Homer: Yeah, been there, done that. It’s a lot of work, though.
Marge is giving her statement.
Marge: Homier, you know, I’ve heard you sing this song a couple of times and… maybe it’s just me, but I just really don’t think that your voice fits this genre. I’m sorry.
More boos from the audience, Seacrest appears on the stage.
Seacrest: Tough words from the Judges, but if you liked (checks his cards) homer’s performance tonight and you want to see him again next Tuesday, then call 1-800-40-05 at the end of the show. I’m Ryan Seacrest, and this is American Idol. Don’t go anywhere, there’s a lot more show coming up in just a sec.
As soon as the cameras are turned off, Seacrest starts smoking. Homer climbs down to the judges‘ desk, where Cowel starts to work out with his dumbbell. Marge immediately gets up and kisses her Homie.
Homer: Oh Marge, how could you critizise me in front of 20 million people like that. I looked like a complete moron.
Marge: i’m sorry, Homie, I just read what’s written on the cuecards, see?
The camera turns and we now see a middle-aged guy who holds up a cuecard that reads exactly what marge just said. Camera cuts back to Homer.
Homer: Do you think I will get kicked out of the competition?
Cut back to the card. It reads. „That’s for our loyal viewers to decide.“
Homer: Is there any way you could, you know, screw with the voting results a little.
Card: „Are you asking me to rig the votings?“
Homer: No, no, no. I’m asking you to rig the votings in case I don’t make the next round.
Card: „I see“
Homer: You know, it feels weird to talk to a card, let’s stop with this nonsense.
Marge (just repeating what she is reading): I knew you would say thatAs for your request, I’ll see what I can do. But you have to get backstage, the show is about to continue.
Homer: All right, se you later, honey.
Seacrest gets back on stage while homer disappears. Seacrest throws away the butt of his cigarette and starts to smile. The lights and cameras arer turned on.
Seacrest: And we’re back here on American Idol, this is your host Ryan Seacrest and we keep gthe show going without any interruptions, so please welcome our next contestant Emily ‚biggest tits you’ll ever see on network TV‘ Farrow! I’m Ryan Seacrest.
Seacrest walks off the stage, repeating his name over and over again.


That's all I've got so far. I'll wait for your reactions and then decide if I should continue it or not. Since my sitcom-project "Behind the Scnens" apparently isn't going anywhere and "Life after Afterlife" is great as it is, I could find the time to continue it if you guys want to.
 
Last edited:

Fox Executive

the original Sex Pistol
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
Messages
1,465
Location
just a coupla minutes from here
I've done a lot of thinking, but I stillö can't find a decent ending for the script. This whole plot is so crazy and full of things that, well, don't normally happen, so maybe it wouldn't be the weirdest thing to just go back to normal abruptly and then make fun of it like Family Guy. But I would really like it if some of you guys could help me out.
 
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