merzitar
. . .
Hi, everyone. I wrote this episode a long time ago (about 2001) and typed it up in 2005. Back then, my spelling was awful, and the formatting was terrible, so I decided to clean it up a lot. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I would like your honest opinions on it. Thanks ^_^
Script:
(Song Plays)
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE – DAY
Homer is sitting in front of the TV; watching the Krusty the Klown show.
Krusty (on the TV):
What do you get if you mix a rabbit with a horse?
A Doctorse! Ha Ha.
(Silence. . .)
Hey c’mon, it’s comedy!
Homer:
Oh. TV Sucks. There's never anything good on.
Bart Simpson enters the room.
Bart:
Hey, dad. Can I borrow...
Homer:
How much this time, BOY?
Bart:
$200.
Homer:
Ok- Hey, wait a minuet. What for?
Bart thinks of an excuse.
Bart:
(Food, Guns, Helping out the elderly!)
Helping out the elderly as those poor people can't even walk.
Homer:
Sorry Son, I Hate the elderly. Why do you think I put Grampa in a home?
Bart:
I mean the “YOUNGERLY”.
Homer:
Do you think I’m stupid?
Bart:
Yes.
Homer:
Ok here you go. Now I’m off to Moe’s.
Bart:
But dad, don't you need money to booze?
Homer:
Oh, son, I have Money.
Bart looks at Homer’s bank card, while Homer walks to the front door.
Bart:
I wonder. . .
Bart thinks of himself, purchasing a new car.
WOW!
Lisa enters the room, from upstairs and opens the front door.
Lisa:
Hi, dad. Bye, Mom. I’m off to Janie’s.
Marge:
Ok Lisa, have a nice day.
INT.MOE’S TAVERN - DAY
Gambler no.1:
Oh, tough luck, Moe. That’s all your money, plus more which, I assume you don’t have. HA HA.
Moe:
Oh, Shut up. C'mon, just one more chance?
Gambler no.2:
Maybe we will, if you give us a free DUFF each, eh?
Moe:
. . . Never mind. Just get out of my bar!
Homer enters the bar, through the main entrance.
Homer:
Hey Moe, What’s wrong?
Moe:
Look, Homer. I’ve been getting into trouble with loads of people, and they said that if I didn’t come up with $397,000 before May the 2nd at 12:00am, they will put me in jail for one year, then put me on the streets, so I’ve been gambling to get the money and...
Homer:
That’s tomorrow. Hey, can I have my beer?
Moe:
Oh yeah I forgot, sure.
Barney:
Hey, Moe? Get a job to get some money ~Burp~
Moe:
Uh, Barney- What do you think I’m doing, sitting on my fat a...
Homer:
Hey, Moe! Give me my beer, or I'll leave.
Moe:
Fine, you do that.
Homer screams.
Homer:
Ok Moe, you win. Just give my beer.
Moe:
Ok here, take it.
Homer:
THANK you
INT.JANIE’S HOUSE - DAY
Lisa enters Janie’s bedroom, and see’s Janie lying in her bed, ill.
Lisa:
Hey Janie, What’s wrong?
Janie’s Mom:
Oh Lisa, Janie has a flue that the doctor doesn’t know what it is, so I call it JANIE Flue.
Janie:
Come here, Lisa.
Lisa walks over to Janie, and to Lisa’s surprise, Janie coughs in Lisa's face.
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - EVENING
View of the front door, as it is knocked. Marge opens the door, to see Lisa standing there, looking very pale and uncomfortable.
Marge:
LISA, what’s wrong?
Lisa:
I caught the JANIE Flue from Janie. I’m going to my room.
Marge (as Lisa runs up the stairs):
Oh Dear!
THE NEXT DAY
INT.BANK OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY
Bart:
Ok, I wanna take out all of my money, right now.
Gil:
Hey, you don’t look much like Homer J Simpson. Too young, and not as fat?
Bart:
Look, I thought you need your money and job? Now gimme my money!
Gil:
Ah yeah ok, sir.
There is a montage of Bart, purchasing many items, using Homer’s card. Most of what he buys is expensive.
INT.MOE’S TAVERN – DAY
As Homer enters Moe’s, he slightly overhears Moe in the distance.
Moe:
Ah yeah.
Hugh Gass:
Where did you say you were going?
Moe:
Texas.
Homer approaches the bar.
Homer:
Hey Moe.
Moe:
Sorry Homer, you can't have a beer ‘cause I gotta leave town, as they're gonna make me do time.
Homer:
Where are you going?
Moe:
No Homer, I ain’t telling you ‘cause you'll tell everyone.
Moe slams the door to the backroom to get ready, as Homer sighs.
INT.THE SIMPSONS DINING ROOM TABLE – NIGHT
The Simpsons are eating their dinner.
Homer:
I feel sad to just see Moe fall flat on his butt!
Marge:
Oh Homie, you did what you could.
Homer:
Yeah, I guess your right.
Bart:
Hey, where is Lisa?
Marge:
Mmm... She is ill. I am going to take her to Dr. Hibbert’s tomorrow.
INT.HOMER AND MARGE'S BED – NIGHT
Homer and Marge are trying to sleep, when Marge hears Homer grumbling.
Marge:
Homer, go to sleep.
Homer:
Marge, I’ve figured it out - how to help Moe. I'm going to look for him and help him out with my money, starting tomorrow.
Marge:
Homer, No, Homie NO!
Homer:
I have to Marge, Moe is my best friend.
Marge:
Fine! Goodnight.
THE NEXT MORNING
INT.BANK OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY
Gil:
Sorry sir, but you took all of your money out yesterday.
Homer:
But that’s impossible, because I was… THE BOY!
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - DAY
Homer:
Bart, where’s my money?
Bart:
Uhh... I.. Kind of spent it all.
Homer:
Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to take all of the crappy stuff you bought back, and give me my money.
Bart:
Oh jeez, why?
Homer:
It's grown up business
Bart:
… I don’t think I really want to know. Ok, I guess I’ll do it anyway.
Homer:
And I’ll come with you to make sure you take all of it back.
EXT.AROUND SPRINGFIELD’S TOWN - DAY
Homer and Bart are going around many shops to take the items that Bart bought, back to the shops for a refund.
Homer:
Is that all of it?
Bart:
Yeah, $500.000
Homer:
Good, Give it to me.
Bart:
Ok here.
Bart hands over the money and sighs.
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - NOON
Homer is sitting on the couch, as the front door is knocked several times. Homer then gets up and answers the door.
Homer:
Yello
Unidentified-Man:
Hello, Mr. Simpson? Do you know a Moe Sizzle-slack?
Homer:
Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Unidentified-Man:
Hmhm, well, he seems to have disappeared out of town. Do you know where he has gone?
Homer:
Look, if I knew I’d tell you, but I don't know, so good... Hey, wait a minuet. I overheard Moe talking to some guy, and he said something about Texas.
Unidentified-Man:
Thank you very much!
The unidentified-man slams the door very fast and loudly.
Homer:
(Sarcastically) THANK YOU.
EXT.THE SIMPSON’S YARD – AFTERNOON
Homer walks outside to gather the mail.
Ned:
Hi diddily ho, Homerino.
Homer:
What is it, Flanders?
Ned:
Well, Homer, I’m not angry, but you have had our TV stand for over 8 years now.
Homer:
So?
Ned:
I want it back.
Homer:
Oh, I get it, you want to fight about that?
Ned:
Please Homer, I might hurt you.
Homer:
Well I’m gonna punch you in the face, in 3…
Ned punches Homer and knocks him unconscious.
Ned:
Oh no, what have I done?
INT.FLANDER’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Ned runs to his phone and dials Reverend Lovejoy.
INT.LOVEJOYS HOUSE - AFTERNOON
The telephone rings as Lovejoy is watching TV. After groaning, he decides to answer the phone.
Lovejoy:
Hello, Ned?
Ned:
Reverend, I have done something bad!
Lovejoy:
What is it this time "laughed"?
Reverend Lovejoy hands up.
INT.DOCTOR HIBBERT’S - AFTERNOON
Marge:
Do you know what’s wrong with her, Doctor?
Dr. Hibbert:
Well, I’m afraid Lisa will be missing a few moths of school.
Marge:
Is there any medication I can give her?
Dr. Hibbert:
Well not really. (Chuckle)
Lisa:
What’s gonna happen to me?
D. Hibbert:
Not Much. You’ll get very ill, maybe loose your vocabulary, and may die. (chuckle)
THE NEXT DAY
INT.TEXAS POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY
Unidentified-Man:
Excuse me sir, is a Moe Sizzle-slack here?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen:
Uh Wait Just a sec, please.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen turns around and performs a quick search on the computer’s database. The search returned with no results.
Sorry sir, but there’s no Moe Sizzle-slack here.
Unidentified-Man:
Bloody Hell! That human blimp must have lied to me.
INT.A BAR NAMED “WHORE-ENDOUS” – AFTERNOON
Moe is still betting to try and regain some money.
Moe:
What, I’m still losing?
Gambler 1:
Ha, that’s loads you owe us.
Moe:
Oh c'mon guy...
Gambler 2:
Go away, Moe.
EXT.ON THE ROAD TO TEXAS – EVENING
Homer is driving his car.
Homer:
Whew, it can't be that much further. I’ve already been driving for five hours!
Homer looks out the window to see a sign which reads “Texas: another three hours”.
Homer:
Oh, the hell with this.
Homer begins to speed, until he hears a police siren. The police car pulls Homer over to fine him.
Homer:
D’oh! Sorry officer, my finger slipped.
Policeman:
Give me your licence, H… Ahem.
Homer:
What’s a licence?
Policeman:
Your driver’s licence. Give me your driver’s licence.
Homer:
You see officer, the thing is… I forgot it!
Policeman:
Goddamn it, Homer.
Homer:
Moe, Is that you?
Officer Moe:
Yeah Homer, It’s me. The so called, MOE SIZZLE-SLACK… instead of Szylak.
Homer:
Moe I got you the money you need.
Moe looks at the money and counts it
Officer Moe:
What the… $500.000?
Homer:
Yeah
Moe:
Oh Homer, thank you, but I owe the gamblers as well.
Homer:
Tell ‘em to wait. I'LL get the money.
THE NEXT DAY
INT.MOE’S TAVERN - DAY
Barney:
Hey Moe, where have you been all this time?
Moe:
BARNEY FOR THE 6TH TIME, I’VE BEEN TO TEXAS
Barney:
Why?
Moe:
Barney, you’ll never change.
Homer:
Whoa that reminds me. I have to get home to Marge.
Moe:
How is ol' Midge doing there, anyway?
Homer:
Meh, The same ol' woman. Always nagging you know.
Moe:
Yeah that’s the thing about girls. They always nag. Well I assume so – I don’t really have many women. You know, due to my ugliness.
Homer:
Yeah. Anyway I got to get home.
Moe:
Ok. Once again, Homer. Thanks.
Homer:
No problem.
Homer and Moe both smile at each other.
INT.HOMER AND MARGE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Homer:
Well Marge. I helped Moe.
Marge:
Yes Homer, but.....
Homer:
But... What?
Marge:
Well... you did the right thing, but we needed the money for bills.
Homer:
Oh... He can wait.
Marge:
No Homer... Bills.
Homer screams.
Marge:
But don't worry, I can always use my money.
Homer:
Good you do that, Goodnight
Marge:
hmmm...... Goodnight Homer
END
Moe's Has Gone
Script:
(Song Plays)
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE – DAY
Homer is sitting in front of the TV; watching the Krusty the Klown show.
Krusty (on the TV):
What do you get if you mix a rabbit with a horse?
A Doctorse! Ha Ha.
(Silence. . .)
Hey c’mon, it’s comedy!
Homer:
Oh. TV Sucks. There's never anything good on.
Bart Simpson enters the room.
Bart:
Hey, dad. Can I borrow...
Homer:
How much this time, BOY?
Bart:
$200.
Homer:
Ok- Hey, wait a minuet. What for?
Bart thinks of an excuse.
Bart:
(Food, Guns, Helping out the elderly!)
Helping out the elderly as those poor people can't even walk.
Homer:
Sorry Son, I Hate the elderly. Why do you think I put Grampa in a home?
Bart:
I mean the “YOUNGERLY”.
Homer:
Do you think I’m stupid?
Bart:
Yes.
Homer:
Ok here you go. Now I’m off to Moe’s.
Bart:
But dad, don't you need money to booze?
Homer:
Oh, son, I have Money.
Bart looks at Homer’s bank card, while Homer walks to the front door.
Bart:
I wonder. . .
Bart thinks of himself, purchasing a new car.
WOW!
Lisa enters the room, from upstairs and opens the front door.
Lisa:
Hi, dad. Bye, Mom. I’m off to Janie’s.
Marge:
Ok Lisa, have a nice day.
INT.MOE’S TAVERN - DAY
Gambler no.1:
Oh, tough luck, Moe. That’s all your money, plus more which, I assume you don’t have. HA HA.
Moe:
Oh, Shut up. C'mon, just one more chance?
Gambler no.2:
Maybe we will, if you give us a free DUFF each, eh?
Moe:
. . . Never mind. Just get out of my bar!
Homer enters the bar, through the main entrance.
Homer:
Hey Moe, What’s wrong?
Moe:
Look, Homer. I’ve been getting into trouble with loads of people, and they said that if I didn’t come up with $397,000 before May the 2nd at 12:00am, they will put me in jail for one year, then put me on the streets, so I’ve been gambling to get the money and...
Homer:
That’s tomorrow. Hey, can I have my beer?
Moe:
Oh yeah I forgot, sure.
Barney:
Hey, Moe? Get a job to get some money ~Burp~
Moe:
Uh, Barney- What do you think I’m doing, sitting on my fat a...
Homer:
Hey, Moe! Give me my beer, or I'll leave.
Moe:
Fine, you do that.
Homer screams.
Homer:
Ok Moe, you win. Just give my beer.
Moe:
Ok here, take it.
Homer:
THANK you
INT.JANIE’S HOUSE - DAY
Lisa enters Janie’s bedroom, and see’s Janie lying in her bed, ill.
Lisa:
Hey Janie, What’s wrong?
Janie’s Mom:
Oh Lisa, Janie has a flue that the doctor doesn’t know what it is, so I call it JANIE Flue.
Janie:
Come here, Lisa.
Lisa walks over to Janie, and to Lisa’s surprise, Janie coughs in Lisa's face.
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - EVENING
View of the front door, as it is knocked. Marge opens the door, to see Lisa standing there, looking very pale and uncomfortable.
Marge:
LISA, what’s wrong?
Lisa:
I caught the JANIE Flue from Janie. I’m going to my room.
Marge (as Lisa runs up the stairs):
Oh Dear!
THE NEXT DAY
INT.BANK OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY
Bart:
Ok, I wanna take out all of my money, right now.
Gil:
Hey, you don’t look much like Homer J Simpson. Too young, and not as fat?
Bart:
Look, I thought you need your money and job? Now gimme my money!
Gil:
Ah yeah ok, sir.
There is a montage of Bart, purchasing many items, using Homer’s card. Most of what he buys is expensive.
INT.MOE’S TAVERN – DAY
As Homer enters Moe’s, he slightly overhears Moe in the distance.
Moe:
Ah yeah.
Hugh Gass:
Where did you say you were going?
Moe:
Texas.
Homer approaches the bar.
Homer:
Hey Moe.
Moe:
Sorry Homer, you can't have a beer ‘cause I gotta leave town, as they're gonna make me do time.
Homer:
Where are you going?
Moe:
No Homer, I ain’t telling you ‘cause you'll tell everyone.
Moe slams the door to the backroom to get ready, as Homer sighs.
INT.THE SIMPSONS DINING ROOM TABLE – NIGHT
The Simpsons are eating their dinner.
Homer:
I feel sad to just see Moe fall flat on his butt!
Marge:
Oh Homie, you did what you could.
Homer:
Yeah, I guess your right.
Bart:
Hey, where is Lisa?
Marge:
Mmm... She is ill. I am going to take her to Dr. Hibbert’s tomorrow.
INT.HOMER AND MARGE'S BED – NIGHT
Homer and Marge are trying to sleep, when Marge hears Homer grumbling.
Marge:
Homer, go to sleep.
Homer:
Marge, I’ve figured it out - how to help Moe. I'm going to look for him and help him out with my money, starting tomorrow.
Marge:
Homer, No, Homie NO!
Homer:
I have to Marge, Moe is my best friend.
Marge:
Fine! Goodnight.
THE NEXT MORNING
INT.BANK OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY
Gil:
Sorry sir, but you took all of your money out yesterday.
Homer:
But that’s impossible, because I was… THE BOY!
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - DAY
Homer:
Bart, where’s my money?
Bart:
Uhh... I.. Kind of spent it all.
Homer:
Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to take all of the crappy stuff you bought back, and give me my money.
Bart:
Oh jeez, why?
Homer:
It's grown up business
Bart:
… I don’t think I really want to know. Ok, I guess I’ll do it anyway.
Homer:
And I’ll come with you to make sure you take all of it back.
EXT.AROUND SPRINGFIELD’S TOWN - DAY
Homer and Bart are going around many shops to take the items that Bart bought, back to the shops for a refund.
Homer:
Is that all of it?
Bart:
Yeah, $500.000
Homer:
Good, Give it to me.
Bart:
Ok here.
Bart hands over the money and sighs.
INT.THE SIMPSONS HOUSE - NOON
Homer is sitting on the couch, as the front door is knocked several times. Homer then gets up and answers the door.
Homer:
Yello
Unidentified-Man:
Hello, Mr. Simpson? Do you know a Moe Sizzle-slack?
Homer:
Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Unidentified-Man:
Hmhm, well, he seems to have disappeared out of town. Do you know where he has gone?
Homer:
Look, if I knew I’d tell you, but I don't know, so good... Hey, wait a minuet. I overheard Moe talking to some guy, and he said something about Texas.
Unidentified-Man:
Thank you very much!
The unidentified-man slams the door very fast and loudly.
Homer:
(Sarcastically) THANK YOU.
EXT.THE SIMPSON’S YARD – AFTERNOON
Homer walks outside to gather the mail.
Ned:
Hi diddily ho, Homerino.
Homer:
What is it, Flanders?
Ned:
Well, Homer, I’m not angry, but you have had our TV stand for over 8 years now.
Homer:
So?
Ned:
I want it back.
Homer:
Oh, I get it, you want to fight about that?
Ned:
Please Homer, I might hurt you.
Homer:
Well I’m gonna punch you in the face, in 3…
Ned punches Homer and knocks him unconscious.
Ned:
Oh no, what have I done?
INT.FLANDER’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Ned runs to his phone and dials Reverend Lovejoy.
INT.LOVEJOYS HOUSE - AFTERNOON
The telephone rings as Lovejoy is watching TV. After groaning, he decides to answer the phone.
Lovejoy:
Hello, Ned?
Ned:
Reverend, I have done something bad!
Lovejoy:
What is it this time "laughed"?
Reverend Lovejoy hands up.
INT.DOCTOR HIBBERT’S - AFTERNOON
Marge:
Do you know what’s wrong with her, Doctor?
Dr. Hibbert:
Well, I’m afraid Lisa will be missing a few moths of school.
Marge:
Is there any medication I can give her?
Dr. Hibbert:
Well not really. (Chuckle)
Lisa:
What’s gonna happen to me?
D. Hibbert:
Not Much. You’ll get very ill, maybe loose your vocabulary, and may die. (chuckle)
THE NEXT DAY
INT.TEXAS POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY
Unidentified-Man:
Excuse me sir, is a Moe Sizzle-slack here?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen:
Uh Wait Just a sec, please.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen turns around and performs a quick search on the computer’s database. The search returned with no results.
Sorry sir, but there’s no Moe Sizzle-slack here.
Unidentified-Man:
Bloody Hell! That human blimp must have lied to me.
INT.A BAR NAMED “WHORE-ENDOUS” – AFTERNOON
Moe is still betting to try and regain some money.
Moe:
What, I’m still losing?
Gambler 1:
Ha, that’s loads you owe us.
Moe:
Oh c'mon guy...
Gambler 2:
Go away, Moe.
EXT.ON THE ROAD TO TEXAS – EVENING
Homer is driving his car.
Homer:
Whew, it can't be that much further. I’ve already been driving for five hours!
Homer looks out the window to see a sign which reads “Texas: another three hours”.
Homer:
Oh, the hell with this.
Homer begins to speed, until he hears a police siren. The police car pulls Homer over to fine him.
Homer:
D’oh! Sorry officer, my finger slipped.
Policeman:
Give me your licence, H… Ahem.
Homer:
What’s a licence?
Policeman:
Your driver’s licence. Give me your driver’s licence.
Homer:
You see officer, the thing is… I forgot it!
Policeman:
Goddamn it, Homer.
Homer:
Moe, Is that you?
Officer Moe:
Yeah Homer, It’s me. The so called, MOE SIZZLE-SLACK… instead of Szylak.
Homer:
Moe I got you the money you need.
Moe looks at the money and counts it
Officer Moe:
What the… $500.000?
Homer:
Yeah
Moe:
Oh Homer, thank you, but I owe the gamblers as well.
Homer:
Tell ‘em to wait. I'LL get the money.
THE NEXT DAY
INT.MOE’S TAVERN - DAY
Barney:
Hey Moe, where have you been all this time?
Moe:
BARNEY FOR THE 6TH TIME, I’VE BEEN TO TEXAS
Barney:
Why?
Moe:
Barney, you’ll never change.
Homer:
Whoa that reminds me. I have to get home to Marge.
Moe:
How is ol' Midge doing there, anyway?
Homer:
Meh, The same ol' woman. Always nagging you know.
Moe:
Yeah that’s the thing about girls. They always nag. Well I assume so – I don’t really have many women. You know, due to my ugliness.
Homer:
Yeah. Anyway I got to get home.
Moe:
Ok. Once again, Homer. Thanks.
Homer:
No problem.
Homer and Moe both smile at each other.
INT.HOMER AND MARGE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Homer:
Well Marge. I helped Moe.
Marge:
Yes Homer, but.....
Homer:
But... What?
Marge:
Well... you did the right thing, but we needed the money for bills.
Homer:
Oh... He can wait.
Marge:
No Homer... Bills.
Homer screams.
Marge:
But don't worry, I can always use my money.
Homer:
Good you do that, Goodnight
Marge:
hmmm...... Goodnight Homer
END