Let's just randomly post funny quotes

Burns in his Burns University commercial: "I've spent my life making millions of dollars through ruthless backstabbing, but now - for some reason - I'm helping young people."
"Hello, Smithers! You're... quite... good at... turning... me... on."

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:margesmiley:: Poor Ned. This is his first Jellyfish Festival alone.
:homersmiley:: I know. And it doesn't get any easier from here. There's the Tongue Kiss Festival, Cinco de Ocho, the Hobo Oscars. Days just made for lovers. Not widowers, lovers!
Can some body tell me WHAT EPISODE that is when Lisa walks in and homer is choking Bart and she asks homer to come w/ her somewhere. He say “ok boy now you sit here and think of what you did”bart: “What did I do?” Homer thinks for a sec and goes back to chocking him lmao
Skinner: You are temporarily suspended from bus driving... with pay!
Otto: Nooooo!
Oh... So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon is it? Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes, and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
I caught this one last night watching the S15 episode where Homer has a panel program.
Bart: ... you'd lose your strangle on the audience...
Homer: I'll audience you!

Then proceeds to strangle. I thought this was one of the funniest jokes that I had no recollection of.
Now let me put this in terms that a young boy would understand: you and I have danced a grand pas de deux worthy of Nijinsky, but this... is... the final... plié!
1. To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. -Homer Simpson
Once again Homer explains to us about women:

A woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!
:margesmiley:: Guess what, Homie. There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now.
:homersmiley:: We're going to start doing it in the morning?