Favorite Grandpa Simpson quotes

[Malibu_Stacey]

[No message]

 

[Grumm]

Call me mint jelly cause I'm on the lam(b)!!

 

[y2dave2004]

"Do we sell french fries?"

 

[SimpsonByte]

Burns;Really Simpson, can't you go at least 5 seconds without embarassing yourself?

(Grandpas Pants fall down, making a "spoing" sound)

Grandpa;How long was that?

 

[Sloppy Jimbo XOX]

"Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren't much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet oover and ooover. "Aaaaa" he'd say, then "Beee". "C" would usually follow..."

It's funny because you just know he's gonna go through the entire alphabet...

 

[Tara]

Marge: "Be careful not to sit on the apple pie on the seat."
Grandpa: "Uh oh..."
Marge: "Grandpa are you sitting on the pie?"
Grandpa: "I sure hope so."

Not really one of my favourites but it was the first that came into my head.

 

[Lenny 11]

and we called sandwhiches flat freddies!

 

[NukeTheWhales]

then I realized I could make money selling my medicine to Deadheads

the yellow ones stop you from screaming

I once wore a dress in the 40s...oohhh they had designers then

 

[The General]

...Like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville, I needed a new heel for my shoe, so i tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and back then, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, gimme five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, now the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get green onions back then, because of the war, all you could get was those big yellow ones...

(Straight from my memmory people, sorry if it isn't correct)

 

[Dr Zaius]

BART: Nice try, Mr. Flanders, but I got a story so good you'll wet your pants.
GRAMPA: Too late.

Can we have sex? Please?

 

[Shabadoo]

"French toast please"

 

[Crotis Jivefunk]

"It was 1926, Everyone was doing a dance called the Funky Grandpa! Oh I'm the..zzzzzzz."

 

[Firewalker]

"I say the metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods in a hogshead, and that's the way I like it!"

 

[kuje]

"Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren't much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet oover and ooover. "Aaaaa" he'd say, then "Beee". "C" would usually follow..."

Originally posted by General GK
...Like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville, I needed a new heel for my shoe, so i tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and back then, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, gimme five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, now the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get green onions back then, because of the war, all you could get was those big yellow ones...

Two of the best ever

P.s. exact quote:

"We can't bust heads the way we used to, but we have our ways. One way is to tell em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I took the ferry to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville back in them days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to ride the ferry cost a nickel and back in them days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on em. 'Give me 5 bees for a quarter, you'd say'. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, on account of the war. The only ones you could get were those big yellow ones..."

You did well considering it was from memory!

 

[SLH]

"You remind me of a poem I cant remember, and a song that may have never existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been too."

 

[Stina]

Homer's Mother: Isn't Homer cute?

Abe: (sarcastically) Probably.

 

[Miss Springfield]

Homer: DAVVVIIIDDD LETTERMAN DOH
Hi David I'm Grampa!

Plus the long senile rants already posted. Hated love matic grampa. Shittiest poop ever from him.

 

[Rnymd]

"I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals, who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive."

 

[Leopold]

"Now I'll have more time to read things I find on the ground. [picks something up] "La...tex... con...do"... boy, I'd like to live in one of those!"

 

[George Cauldron]

"I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me."

Best Grampa quote by a furlong.

 

[The General]

Two of the best ever

P.s. exact quote:

"We can't bust heads the way we used to, but we have our ways. One way is to tell em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I took the ferry to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville back in them days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to ride the ferry cost a nickel and back in them days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on em. 'Give me 5 bees for a quarter, you'd say'. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, on account of the war. The only ones you could get were those big yellow ones..."

You did well considering it was from memory!

Thanks man, I felt kinda bad because I am usually pretty good for reciting quoted by memmory... Good job with the exact quote!

 

[Shlomo]

Nice one GK I watched that yesterday but still can't remember it all.

I guess my favorite, besides those big yellow ones, was (it's a scene, oh well):

"Hello. As you may know, I might not be around much longer. So, I've decided to give you your inheritance before I die. That way I can see you enjoy it. Lisa, I know you like reading and...so forth. To you, I give you my lifetime of personal correspondence.

(Mr. Simpson stop Your calls and letters are becoming nuisance stop If you do not cease I will be forced to pursue legal action stop signed Boris Karloff, Hollywood, California).

And to my son Homer (Woo-hoo!) and his entire family (D'oh!) I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and...

[...]

Anyway, about my washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball"...

[...]

When I was young, toys were built to last. Look at this junk! It breaks the first time you take it out of the box. And look at these toy soldiers -- they'll break the second I step on 'em. Arg! Stupid! Toy! Soldiers! Break, you stupid...

[...]

Ehh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There're sure a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oh! Look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat. Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello?

Best one ever, I guess.

 

[tim_duncan2000]

"Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren't much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet oover and ooover. "Aaaaa" he'd say, then "Beee". "C" would usually follow..."

That's a good one. When did he say that?

"We can't bust heads the way we used to, but we have our ways. One way is to tell em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I took the ferry to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville back in them days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to ride the ferry cost a nickel and back in them days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on em. 'Give me 5 bees for a quarter, you'd say'. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, on account of the war. The only ones you could get were those big yellow ones..."

I've always loved that one.

"You remind me of a poem I cant remember, and a song that may have never existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been too."

That one is great too. What episode was this in?

 

[Shlomo]

all of it was in "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey"

 

[CosmicFool]

Homer- We leave the kids with you for 3 hours and the county takes them away?

Grandpa- Oh bitch, bitch, bitch.

 

[pat]

"Now, my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say 'dickety' cause the Kaiser had stolen our word 'twenty', I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles."

"My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"

 

[Dr Zaius]

"My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"

Is that the first time that quote got mentioned on this thread? You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

 

[Worker&Parasite]

Grandpa's wedding advice to Homer

Grandpa: If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine.

 

[I shot Mr. Burns]

Courtesy of snpp.com
From Treehouse 4:

Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis --
[gasps] Wait a minute! You are a vampire!
Abe: Quick! We have to kill the boy! [holds a stake and mallet]
Marge: How do you know he's a vampire?
Abe: He's a vampire? Aah! [runs away]

 

[Dances In Underwear]

Most of the senile rants.

"I set the Toaster to Three: Medium Brown"