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Homer: That Sideshow Mel thinks he so big! Whatever happened to Sideshow Bob?
Lisa: Don't you remember dad? He framed Krusty, he tried to kill aunt Selma, he rigged an election.
Bart: And he tried to murder me.
Homer: Oh yea, but what I'll mainly remember is the laughter.
Sideshow Bob: Ahhh, Webminster Abby. Edward the confessor himself could not have done better. Now to set the clock to Greenwich Mean Time. 34K
Sideshow Bob: Oh must you pray night and day at that invernal television?!
Guy: Oh look who's talkin'.
Guy 2: Yea, Bob, you used to be on this show.
Sideshow Bob: Don't remind me!
Sideshow Bob: My foolish caperings destroyed more young minds than syfilis and pinball combined! 22K
Bob: Oh how I lull that box. That omnidirectional sledge pump droning and burping a--
Guy: Look here, that's enough now! I own 60% of that network!
Old Woman: (From TV) ...friend? You mean you two aren't knocking boots?
(Crowd Laughs)
Old Woman: Ever do the backseat mambo, Craigy?
(Crowd Laughs)
Sideshow Bob: I know that voice... (Distraught) TV's bottomless chum bucket has claimed Vanessa Redgrave!
Old Woman: Now, I'm going to haul ass to Lollapalooza!
(Crowd Laughs)
Old Woman: Yee haw! (Motorcycle Revs)
Sideshow Bob: Farewell, dear 'nessa...
(FOX Theme PLays)
Sideshow Bob: There, that's the last condom wrapper. (jet planes flies by, pile is blown away) Ohh, I renue my objection to this pointless endever! 43K
Sideshow Bob: Air show? Buzz cut alabaimins spewing colored smoke from their wizz jets to the strains of rockview like a hurricane. What kind of country-fried rube is still impressed by that?! 50K
Sideshow Bob: Oh, I'll get busy I'll get very busy indeed! (hysterical laughter joined by Cheif Wiggum)
Chief Wiggum: You still got it Bob.
Col. Hapablap: McGugget?! Let me in!
Sideshow Bob: (Disguising Voice) The door already is closed.
Hapablap: What?! This is colonel Leslie Hap HAPABLAB! If you don't open that door, I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party!
Sideshow Bob: (Disguised Voice) You say you're in the military?
Hapablap: Sweet Enola Gay, son! I'm gonna come in there and corspe you up!
Soldier: Authorization code?
Sideshow Bob: (Hapablap) Code?! Son, this is Colonel Hapablap... That fool McGugget sprayed runway foam all over Chuck Yeager's Acura. Now, get down there with a chamois TRIPLE TIME!
Soldier: But Colonel, I'm under strict orders--
Sideshow Bob: (Hapablab) Sweet Enola Gay, son! Get moving, or I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a sn--(Disgusted; Out-of-character) snot party...
Soldier: Sir! Right away, sir!
Wiggum: Hey where is Sideshow Bob and that guy who eats people and takes thier faces?
G.W.E.P.A.T.T.F: I'm right here Chief.
Wiggum: Oh, then where is Sideshow Bob?
Prisoner: Oh he ran off.
Wiggum: Oh Great! Well if anyone asks I beat him to death, okay?
Lou: Right.
(Mircophone Screeches) Hapablap: Ladies and gentlemen, what a day for an air show! Not a cloud in the sky!
Sideshow Bob: Except perhaps, a mushroom cloud. (hysterical laughing)
Sideshow Bob: I submit to you: we abolish television... permanently!
Homer: (Angry) Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!
Sideshow Bob: Sucess! They're giving in! Blast! I should have made more demands! 27K
Bob: "Well, if it isn't my archnemesis Bart Simpson. . ." 81K
Sideshow Bob: My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic, it could have spewed from the powerbook of the laziest Hollywood hack. 89K